Edit your habits for a lasting relationship

As Samuel Johnson very aptly said, 'the chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken'. In continuation to our last week's column, the list of negative habits is endless. But highlighting a few more can prevent a marriage from getting damaged. A tendency in long-term marriages develops into a habit of not prioritizing intimacy – at various levels. One should change this habit at any cost to make a marriage invaluable with time. The habit to forget to be romantic after marriage can kill a relationship even before it matures.

Marriage is more about focussing on the future than the present – a habit or an outlook held by many. Couples are busy mapping out their detailed future together. While planning at a macro level is always beneficial, micro planning can take that mystery and wonder away.

To err is human but challenging to take criticism especially from one's partner. Its crucial to form a habit to listen to one's partner with an open mind no matter how challenging it seems. Holding unnecessary grudges can be a harmful habit. People struggle to let things go. Its important to be able to forgive and forget and not let things accumulate in the form of antipathies for long.

The habit to forget one's 'me time' once hitched is destructive. Wanting to spend 24x7 with one's partner can be intense, and one needs some time alone regularly. Having no personal hobbies is a part of this habit.

Every relationship is about 'give and take'. But if it becomes a habit to give too much, it can be traumatic – compromising one's needs in the process. Its never a good habit to give in to one's partner's wishes and needs all the time. People also have the habit to cribbing about their partner to their family and friends. Venting is a human need. But when it comes to a marriage, one should guard the privacy of that space and not let an outsider enter. The most detrimental habit these days is spending too much time on the cell phone, which always interferes with the relationship. Divided attention leads to conflicts beyond repair. The habit to check one's partner's phone should be also broken immediately. To co-habit with your spouse, edit your habits.

Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively 
sagarika@thoughtcounsel.com