Learning to mind your manners

Call it a stereotype if you may but finishing schools and etiquette teachers almost always dredge up images of stiff-upper lipped matronly old women or butlers with a visible sneer and nose high in the air, tut-tutting your rather bourgeois manners. For all the drama conjured up in the head, Saloni Duggal goes against the typecast and puts you at ease at her boudoir, right from the word ‘hello’.

Right not rude
Director of the Florina Finishing School, Saloni was born into her calling. Her mother, Rina Rani Mehta is attributed with starting Florina Charm School, the first finishing school in India in erstwhile Bombay. Before she took up the mantle of running the school, Saloni put herself through the grind, undergoing the Florina Charm School Teachers Training Programme under her mother before heading to the Minding Manners School in UK and the Modern Day Charm and Finishing School, USA for another certification.

Clearly, there’s more to this etiquette thing than just about knowing how to give the perfect handshake and holding the knife and fork correctly.  In precise words, Saloni defines it as, “Etiquette is appropriate behavior with appropriate people at the appropriate situation. It’s about being right than rude,” she offers, before elaborating how as Indians, there is a need to train ourselves to mind our Ps and Qs.

Nurturing future leaders
And that’s precisely why she has corporate houses seeking her services to train their managers and future leadership in this fine art. “I did a training program with a group of managers who were handpicked by their company as future leaders and I taught them everything — from how to dress right in business formals to business casuals, to sit through a seven course dinner to maintaining the correct body language and more,” she says. “I helped hone them to handle any situation with ease,” she says before remarking, “These managers were already talented. As a teacher of etiquette, I have taught them to be comfortable in their own skin and be sensitive to others. They can now be great ambassadors for our country, wherever they go.”

Other than corporates, Saloni has women approaching her, divorced women, even more so. “Women, by stepping out of their houses have already breached barriers. Today, what they need is to be confident. I have had divorcees attending my courses. They are looking for a way to restart their lives and attending my courses give them confidence and help them discover so much about themselves, that I have had some of them inviting me for their second marriage!”

Bringing up Teenagers
A new trend that she is seeing however, is of teenagers seeking her out. What set Saloni thinking about training teenagers in fine behavior (a well-nigh impossible thing, some parents would say), was her first hand experience, where she had to prepare her son for his studies at Cambridge University, UK. “Before he headed off to university, my son asked me to give him a quick crash course in protocol,” she adds. There’s nothing like practical experience to learn the lessons though. Which is why, when Prince Charles stopped by to talk to her son among 600 other student during a visit to the university, it drove home the point that dressing well matters.

I have a  dream
Being a finishing school’s director doesn’t exactly mean sitting easy. Revealing how it can at times get personal, with her students discussing their personal problems with her, Saloni is currently working toward getting a life coach certification from the Association of NeuroLingusitic Programming. Saloni’s ultimate dream however, is to see “every Indian being raised to be refined, projecting his self-esteem and the country’s on a global level. We have so much to offer, if we hone our social skills well, there are so many ways we can expand out horizons,” she muses.

Handy etiquette tips
Colour psychology
Colours play an impact on your psyche and reflect your personality. For instance, she states, “A person wearing red comes across as way ambition, while a person who wears grey comes across as a submissive, subdued personality. Blue, on the other hand, indicates a friendly person. People need to consider colours according to their professions. So, if you were a banker, you should wear muted colours while meeting a client if you want to gain their trust. Doctors should wear fresh pastel colours.

Disagree politely
It is possible to disagree agreeably. So, when you meet someone who’s testing your tolerance levels, do the neutral litmus test where you don’t like or dislike the person. Don’t get into a feuding match where you reason and justify your stance, because then you will be giving power to that person.

If you are heading to a boring party
It’s all in the mind, really. Once you are at the party, look for a friendly face. Look at the party as a story unfolding in front of you.

Make a great first impression
We have a rule called the Rule of Twelves — the first twelve steps you take into the room, the first twelve inches of your face and the first twelve words you utter at a meeting. It begins right from when you enter the room. So, it’s really important to enter with an “I am interested” attitude.

In case of a faux pas
So, you’ve done something clumsy like spilling a drink or popping food out? Behaving fine is also about being graceful under pressure. So, apologise for your mistake and rectify it, concisely without getting too melodramatic about it and disturbing the guests.