When texts are all flirty

Texting was the gateway drug when it came to technological communication. Though now texting has fallen by the wayside — overtaken by emails, BBMing and Twitter — this innocuous activity, sometimes full of as many complications and hidden meanings as a Russian novel, is where it all began. Texting was also the first weapon in many an adolescent’s flirting arsenal. Flirting via texting, or ‘flirtexting’ could take any form, from a simple ‘where are you?’ at 11pm, to a more direct ‘you’re looking hot today ;)’. 

But flirtexting is also full of complications: just how enthusiastically should a girl reply to a ‘wazup’? What does the timing — a stray message received at 4am or one proclaiming ‘good morning!’ at 7am — say about its relevance? What is one to do about a text message that was — agonisingly — never replied to? When is it ok to stop replying? Do you keep replying, resulting in a sort of infinite textual ouroboros? And of course, there’s the dreaded message-sent-to-the-wrong-person phenomenon — resulting in hilarity and embarrassment, more often the latter.

Trust the self-help market to have come up with a solution — the 2009 book Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart was a runaway success. Its authors, Olivia and Debra, pontificated on the need to understand the phenomenon of texting to regain control of the conversation. The authors outline ways to text in an intriguing manner, such as the compulsory ‘10-minute waiting period’, so that your target doesn’t think you’re just sitting around for him.

Siddhanth Malik, 25, is a longtime fan of the flirtext. “It takes the pressure off to be entertaining on demand. Now, I can think of a witty, charming or suggestive reply, and the longer it takes, the more she thinks I’m playing hard-to get!” he cackles. What happens when you meet in person and the pressure comes back on? “Oh, by then, she’s already intimidated by the text-persona,” he says.

Layla Cama, 20, a third-year commerce student in Delhi, explains her favourite use of texting: the ‘maintenance’ text. “I send a ‘What’s up’ message to guys that I might like to get in touch with at a later point, or hang out with if I’m bored. This works as ‘maintenance’ of the friendship,” says Cama.

She remembers the time when texting went terribly wrong: “I was messaging a couple of guys at the same time. I sent a flirty message to the wrong guy, and he lost it! Now, I’m always careful.”

Malik says he tries to make sure he’s never the last one to reply. But most importantly, he says, “If you’re drinking, give your phone to a person you trust. Drunk texting never got anyone anywhere.”