Gay at heart

Mumbai has, more than any Indian metropolis, provided gays and lesbians the space to live and love on their terms 

Manisha Singhal/ Suparna Thombare

“I’m proud to be gay. It’s just too bad if somebody has a problem with that.” Amrut Anand’s in-your-face assertion about the way he swings matches the attitude of the city where he does the swinging, Mumbai, a place that many in the homosexual community believe is the friendliest in India — or at least the least inhibiting — for people of their sexual orientation.

“In Mumbai, I’ve never felt singled out because of my sexuality,” says Anand, a 27-year-old call centre jock who gave up on the closet by telling his mother about his homosexuality. His colleagues at work also know he’s gay, says Anand, adding that he even wears light make-up to work. “There’s the occasional comment that people pass and sometimes my getup attracts a few giggles, but I think I’ve been accepted. Some of my colleagues even stand up for me.”

Anand is part of a subculture - gay or lesbian, middle class or upper-middle class, educated and professional — that has found its corners of comfort in a metropolis that accommodates rather than excludes. That’s the big reason why Mumbai, members of the gay and lesbian communities assert, may just be the homosexual capital of India.

Incidental evidence suggests that attitudes have not changed enough for homosexuals in the city to wear their sexuality on their sleeve. The flaunting of ‘alternative’ sexual preferences, with gay pride parades and rallies, is more the kind of thing that happens in Delhi and Kolkata, where the politics of gay and lesbian sexuality finds greater resonance than it does in Mumbai.

It is on the social acceptance scale that Mumbai comes out ahead. “In Mumbai, people tend to mind their own business,” says Praful Baweja, a 24-year-old who works in event management. “We are quite comfortable living this way, but nobody wants to risk coming out in the open with statements and the like.”

Hemangi Mhaprolkar, a clinical psychologist who counsels gays and bisexuals, says Mumbai is by far the easiest Indian city for homosexuals to get on with the everyday business on living. “Gay interaction is not a tough call here,” he says. “There are gay and bisexual parties and there is a certain amount of openness about [being homosexual]. Bangalore too is okay, but Mumbai is better.”

Anand agrees. “You should check out some of the parties we throw,” he says. “We even have heterosexuals coming to our parties, just to have a bit of fun, and guests from other cities such as Delhi too.” That many well-known Mumbai nightspots host gay parties on select days is an old story, but now you have get-togethers and Sunday bashes thrown into the mix. “They book the entire place and the crowd is pretty decent,” says the manager of one such venue. “At the end of the day, it’s a business transaction for me. These guys don’t attract negative or undue attention, and they certainly aren’t a nuisance.”

As attractive as Mumbai’s parties is the opportunity the city affords homosexuals to network: make new friends, establish fresh contacts and strike up sexual alliances. “The movement in Mumbai is very cultural and gays and lesbians here are slowly creating public space for themselves,” says Manish Bhatia of GayBombay, an organisation that offers homosexuals a forum where they can come together.

Gay and lesbian activists say there has been a significant change in recent years in Mumbai’s attitude towards homosexuality and homosexuals. Anand claims even the police — still, according to many gays and lesbians, the most feared of the state’s instruments of harassment — treat him “decently”.

Jayshree Mehta, a 24-year-old lesbian who moved from Mumbai to London some time back, feels that the homosexual dating scene in the city has improved. “When I left the country I did it thinking, ‘I’m doing this for my social life’,” she explains. “But when I returned last year on holiday, I found there were more women who were open about their sexuality. I must have dated at least five of them… It was great.”

However lesbians do find it difficult to find more women like them. “There is very less visibility,” says Shruti Mehra, a lesbian working with Humjinsi, a helpline for lesbians.

“There is a large active population of queer women in the city you can mingle with. Once I was sitting in a bar in Bandra when a group of guys passed comments and said, “You lesbians”. He used it as a curse word. I just turned around and said, “Yes we are.” They shut up after that. So incidents like these could happen anywhere at some point. But one goes anyway. And we have a great time most of the times.”

The gung-ho views on homosexuality in Mumbai can sometimes shade harsh realities. While the city does, by most accounts, provide gay and lesbian couples more security and acceptance, it still has plenty of distance to cover. And it is the women, lesbians in this case, who have it tougher.

“It seems difficult to believe that Mumbai is the most friendly [city in India] for homosexuals,” says Gauri Pradhan, a 34-year-old lesbian. “My experiences have led me to believe that this place is homophobic. Gay men are so much freer; it’s harder for lesbians. We have tried opening a counselling centre for lesbians and it was such a problem. There are constant queries, cops intervene and harass us, people are excessively inquisitive, and even hiring dedicated, sensitive staff is a tough call.”

Overall, though, there’s more cheer than gloom. “Young queer men and women have begun to lead life on their own terms,” says Bhatia. Mumbai seems to be making it a bit easier for them to do so.