Lexicon of gobbledygook is last word in clichés

WASHINGTON: Here is an idea whose time has come. High-fliers, bottom-feeders, and even those between jobs are almost certainly, at this point in time, being sized up as a captive market by the writers of a new dictionary of doublespeak, cliché, and jargon.

Weasel Words: The Dictionary of American Doublespeak by US academics Paul Wasserman and Don Hausrath catalogues the “distortions, obfuscations, and marketplace flim-flam” that pollute everyday language.

It skewers politicians and journalists, military leaders and academics, for filling - or as the dictionary might have it, “cross-pollinating” - their speech with phrases that mean nothing. Often, weasel words are used by corporations or PR consultants to obscure uncomfortable realities.

The act of being fired, for example, has spawned a string of deceptive jargon. If your boss comes up and offers you a “career change opportunity”, you might mistakenly expect a promotion, not termination.

“Downsizing” and “negative employment growth” are other words listed to mean turfing someone out of work -and anyone who suffers such misfortune will soon be “between jobs”.

Wasserman, professor emeritus at the University of Maryland, says weasel words are everywhere “because we live in a time where people are trying to con and deceive one another. It’s so pervasive that it’s become objectionable.

“When you get put on hold and hear ‘your call is important to us’ but you hear the music playing and they leave you waiting, they’re not interested in you; they care about their bottom line.”

Political correctness also gets a pasting in Weasel Words, which criticises the use of the phrase “people who are blind” to spare the feelings of the blind, or “physically challenged” to avoid offending the handicapped.

TV companies which pull the wool over viewers’ eyes are rebuked for using the phrase “encore TV broadcasts” for endless repeats. Businesses and retailers also come under fire from those who sell “genuine imitation leather” to coiffeurs who spare the feelings of balding customers by describing them as “hair disadvantaged”.

Clothes "that never need ironing" would only be of any use to "those who would not iron their clothes in any event or glance at the mirror without their glasses", according to the authors.  And who wouldn't agree with criticisms of those who insist they "think outside the box", talk about "no-brainers", or preach "zero tolerance"?

Annoying people who seek out a "vacation specialist" instead of a simple travel agent when they go on holiday may at least get their just desserts when they fall afoul of a "passenger facility charge" — an airport tax.

Politicians, not surprisingly, are often culprits, from US Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's rambling about "known knowns" to former President Bill Clinton's denial that he had "sexual relations with that woman". The dictionary wryly says President George Bush has lived up to at least one campaign promise, to be a "compassionate conservative", by "constantly displaying his compassion for conservatives".

The authors also venture into diplomacy by lambasting the phrase "Middle East roadmap", noting: "The vehicle traversing the road broke down."

And they also highlight the description "meaningful dialogue," which usually means there was a dustup in a diplomatic powwow. One thing is for sure: anyone who reads Weasel Words will find himself well-equipped to avoid clichés like the plague.