Rude City: Has Mumbai forgotten its manners and etiquette?

Look around and pleasantry and grace seem to have vanished. So what is wrong with the Maximum City? Have the thumbs down shown by recent surveys  to Mumbai for its manners been right? DNA finds most of the city, defending the indefensible with reasons.

Andheri station, 8pm:
A young man is waiting at the edge of platform six, watching the train as it pulls into the station. His satchel, weighed down by notes for an important presentation, suddenly comes apart at the seams. Papers fly off like confetti through the air as the train roars in, the man in a panic gets on his knees to scoop up whatever he can. People march past him on to the train; stepping on the papers and even on the man’s hand. Defeated, he is only able retrieve half of his work, all of which is torn or soiled.

Vile Parle, 8.30 am:
A raucous group of collegians carries on looking at funny stuff on an iPod unmindful of an elderly man who has boarded from Vile Parle. When the train lurches, the torque gets him and he trembles grabbing for support. Other standing passengers rush ahead to ask the young boys if they can make space for him. The boys ignore them. When the old man rebukes them for their arrogance one of them tells him with disdain, “My parents don’t pay for a first class pass for me to go standing.” The old man looks struck and is shown to a seat vacated by another elderly man.  Comments about the insouciance of today’s youth only draws giggles, laughter and more displays of gum bubbles.

Ghatkopar (E), 8am:
A young college girl is hesitating at the bus stop — she has just moved to the city and is completely lost. She panics and seeks help from people around her, asking them for directions. Far from getting a response, she is bewildered as people look through her and refuse to make eye-contact. She shifts from one person to another, but they are all intent on boarding their respective buses. She ends up taking the wrong bus and arrives two hours late on the first day of college.

Mumbai is visibly one of the busiest cities in the world. The 15 million that power-walk its roads and ride the local trains are amongst the most competitive of our species, and others — the most dejected; those who were chasing stars, but got disillusioned when reality caught up with them.

It’s not surprising that common courtesy amongst strangers has taken a backseat to the daily hustle and bustle — in 2006, Reader’s Digest published a list of the ‘rudest’ cities in the world. Mumbai was wilting at the bottom. The media jumped on the report, scrutinising their priced city of dreams, chastising public spitting and jumping of queues as symptoms of a larger problem.

This rudeness had been documented again, with an MSN article slotting Mumbai as one of the ten rudest cities in the world.

The Readers Digest’s survey took focus groups in major world cities and set them loose to report how many doors were opened, how many people said thank you, and how many people helped them pick up their things. Priyanka Mattoo, 24, recently moved to the city and points out that the survey takes an approach to ‘politeness’ which may not translate well to Indian culture. “I don’t expect anyone in the city to hold a door open for me,” the young ad executive claims. “That is not the way we have been brought up, and to judge all the citizens of a city based on these old-fashioned rules of etiquette is not only unfair, but discriminatory.” The Delhi-native in fact believes that her adopted city scores over her hometown  — “This city is safer for me as a woman than Delhi ever was. Believe me, I price the courtesy of men, who keep their hands to themselves, more than a ‘thank you’,” she says.

Prabha Jadeja, an 86-year-old grandmother, lives with her two sons on Mohammad Ali Road. She went to school two roads away, and worked for twelve years as a teacher in the same school after finishing her education. She got married at a comparatively late age of 25 in the summer of 1949. “My family was very demanding, just because I was a girl they weren’t going to let me sit around,” she says, knitting furiously. Has Mumbai changed since she was a young woman? Is a senior citizen’s life not easy in the fast paced city? “Life here was never easy,” she retorts. “It’s Bombay after all. People come here to work and work hard. I have had so many friends who have come here worked and moved on.” She criticises the surveys, saying, “These people haven’t lived here. I think people here are sensitive. They empathise with those who keep trying despite failure. But don’t expect them to mother you.”

Abhiroop Sinha, a sociologist and anthropologist, has studied the characters of urban spaces. He believes that the ‘people’ of a city have very little to do with their stereotypes. “Mumbai is a city of immigrants. These easy boxes we like to put our city in — a city of rich and poor, of Bollywood and slumdogs — make the transplantation process an easier one. It’s easier to block out rudeness and poverty when it’s a part of the character of a city,” he says.

Sinha believes that rudeness can only be defined as something out of the expected norms of society, and Mumbai’s norms are ill-defined and multifaceted. “A better check for courtesy would be to go to someone’s home and see whether they offer you a cup of tea or not,” he concludes.

The ‘spirit’ of Mumbai cannot be dampened
The city has an eclectic mix of different income classes. Surviving in the city is no cup of tea, so those who have made it here are sympathetic towards what other people are going through. Most people come across as helpful and supportive. Having said that, I also feel that the incessant need for monetary pleasures, cut throat competition, family pressure and being over ambitious has made many people impatient. But the city is still welcoming and anyone can make something of themselves here.
Mitali Lakhawala, communication professional

Adversity brings out the worst in people
This is the only city in India that follows discipline, and if that makes it rude then it cannot be helped. You may encounter rude behaviour on the locals, but the space crunch, the hurry to somewhere- all brings out the worst in people, so they can’t be blamed for it. Competition, intrusion, and the city’s pace can make the people indifferent but this cannot be termed as rude. People here are very helpful but don’t expect them to take time out from their busy lives to help you out- that is asking for too much.
Shailendra Pandey, media professional

Stressed people can come across as rude
People are very friendly, but one does come across few instances of rudeness. The main reason behind such outbursts or indifference is the stressful lives of people in the city. Surviving in the city is not easy — career, day to day chores, long commute — are the only things on people’s minds and it can make people impatient. There have been instances where political parties have politicised issues. However, people will help you irrespective of the language you speak, the region you belong to or your religion.
Rupa Rao, psychologist

Here citizens are forever ready to help
My experiences in the city have been encouraging and happy. The city might be a temple of capitalism, but it still has a soul. The cab and auto rickshaw drivers in the city are friendly in comparison to their counterparts in other cities. The people are nice, but the chaos ensures that the people are stressed and hence maybe too busy to sympathise with other people’s problems. The authorities should provide better infrastructure to ease the stress of the citizens so that everyone is pleasant.
Mary Emmatty, software professional

Nothing personal about uncivil conduct
People tend to be rude at railways stations or bus stop when they try to push around to get in.  I think the ever increasing population and space constraints are making the people less tolerant. Also to add to the woes of the common man, prices are increasing, civic hygiene has gone for a toss, safety and security has gone from bad to worse and all this adds to people’s stress. This has made the people scream at others, this is merely a stress release and it shouldn’t be taken personally.
Reby Abraham, media strategist