Mayan Apocalypse? No, a fairly unremarkable day on planet Earth

The dark planet Nibiru failed to obliterate Earth and the promised solar storm never raged. The world is safe and we can breathe again.

Across the globe there was relief that the apocalypse had failed to materialise and doomsayers, some of whom had partied like it was their last night on Earth, were left scratching their heads.

The end of the 5,125-year Mayan Long Calendar had prompted predictions of a catastrophic end for mankind, but according to the US Geological Survey it was a "fairly unremarkable day on planet Earth". There had been about 120 small earthquakes, including a moderate one in Japan, which was "very much a normal day".

As dawn broke over the Mayan ruins of Chichen Itza in Mexico, thousands of mystics, hippies, druids and pagans celebrated with crystal skulls, ceremonial fires, drums beating and conches blaring when the sun came up. "We are in a frequency of love, we are in a new vibration," said Ivan Gutierrez, 37, an artist, before a security guard ordered him to stop sounding his conch because he did not have a permit.

Chinese authorities dismissed outright rumours that Jesus had reappeared as a woman somewhere in the middle of the country, and also denied that they had built an "ark" as a contingency plan.

At Pic de Bugarach, the French mountain some believed was an "alien garage" which would act as a place of salvation, the sun came out from behind the clouds and a flock of birds flew past as the predicted time for end of the world arrived just after 11am GMT. But the only paranormal activity to be seen was two "spacemen" in amateur-looking aluminium foil suits, and three green-faced ladies with antennae, ambling down the street.

The spacemen, Frederic, 28, an unemployed waiter from Marseille and his brother Laurent, 35, said they had dodged gendarmes and spent the night in a cave to get to the mountain, from where they had hoped to be whisked away by an "interdimensional vortex."

Will Hartley, 26, a photographer from London who also reached the summit at sunrise, reported seeing no UFOs.

There had been confusion over the exact timing of the apocalypse, with some suggesting it would take place shortly after 11am, the time of the winter solstice, and others believing it would be at dawn in the Mayan heartland. But as time zone after time zone reported nothing amiss it became clear that the Earth had been spared. Modern Mayans, of whom there are six million, had said the end of the world was not nigh.

However, Mexico's National Institute of Anthropology and History issued a warning. It suggested calculations to synchronise the Mayan and Western calendars may be off a few days, which would mean the calendar actually ends tomorrow... (Sunday).