According to experts, there are two types of affairs. The one in which people want to leave their primary relationship and the one in which they don't. Experts also believe that people in the second category are at times not satisfied with themselves, than with their primary relationship. Hence, they end up having an affair. There are innumerable reasons why people cheat in their marriage, but at the end of the day, all the affairs can broadly rest on the two inferences of either wanting to leave the spouse or not.
Women are more likely to stray in order to get out of their marriage, while for most men it's more about nurturing the needs unmet. It's as if an affair makes them feel complete. Despite their marriage giving them the physical and emotional support, there is a possibility that sexual risk-taking is what drives them towards an affair. There are many people in extra marital relationships, who see their partner only once in a while, but when they do, it's a total blowout. They come back happy to their marriage.
I see many clients having an affair, but they are very clear about not wanting to get out of their marriage. As stated earlier, it has little to do with a person's contentment from the marriage. It's sometimes because the person is unhappy with himself/herself or is bored with oneself. Given the stressful and technology-infused times of today, it's very easy to communicate. Communication has led to accessibility — so getting involved is easy.
One can never get everything from one person. So, when a person is drawn to someone outside marriage, one tries to justify the involvement by focussing on unmet needs, desires, et al. A very common psychology to defend the liaison.
Variety and novelty are the biggest attraction boosters. But these very boosters have a shelf life. The moment the novelty wears off, so does the interest in the affair. Especially, if it's the second category of affair, heartbreak from either side is certain. Both, sometimes, are demystified by the relationship as it fails to stimulate them as before.
If you are not happy in your marriage, walk out of it ethically. Why tread the wrong path and wrong yourself, your legal partner and your 'partner in crime'? Anything 'extra' costs extra — including an 'extra' marital affair.
Relationship and couples therapist. Helps couples and individuals deal with their relationship problems effectively
