FATHER'S DAY: For kids, dads greater risk takers

Gone are the days when in an Indian family, parents had fixed roles where the father would be the earning member and mother would restrict herself in the kitchen. New age fathers have turned the tables and are more participating in chores of the house. When it comes to dealing with a child, fathers were found to be more risk-taking than mothers.

A pan-India study on father’s involvement in parenting, conducted by Early Childhood Association (ECA) found that while mothers have now started hovering too much and becoming a mosquito parent, fathers tend to leave the kids on their own.

Explaining the term mosquito parent, Swati Popat Vats, President, ECA is prompt enough to say that whenever a child is trying to explore or play, the mother keeps on using ‘Be careful’ term continuously and act overprotective.

“We advise mothers not to do so as it leads to dependency. A very unique thing we found during our survey was that whenever a child has to go to a toilet, and accompanied by the mother, the mother removes the child’s pants or skirt and helps in further discourse. Whereas when fathers accompany, the child manages himself/herself.”

While nowhere the study hinted parents to be lenient, it said that parents should act as support and intervene when there is a danger. But in absence of danger, allow the child to the scaffold, adds Vats. In terms of behaviour, nearly 40% mothers allowed risk-taking behaviour whereas 80% fathers encouraged the risk-taking behaviour.

While the study found that fathers have now understood the importance of participating in everyday parenting but there is a group of fathers that inspite of wanting to participate and support the children and wife are unable to do so due to societal pressures or a red signal from the wife. It was also found that fathers in a stay at home mom family were not very involved in parenting or household chores as both parents felt there is a clear demarcation of roles and don’t want to shake them.

The study showed that both parents have a different style of parenting and the child adjusts to the difference. It is the parents who are unable to accept each one’s unique style of parenting which leads to lack of trust or acceptance of each other. But children need nurturing, protection, independence, and risk taking to be in life.

Interestingly, it was also found that fathers in nuclear families were more involved then those in joint families, due to pressure to conform to traditional practices from elders. Says Vats, “Children who have the involvement of both parents will learn to understand different points of views and perspectives and this will help them adjust better in later work environments and society with a better emotional quotient. When they see their parents disagreeing respectfully instead of one person giving in, they will learn conflict resolution and make them more positive about handling challenges and obstacles.”

Behaviour-related findings

• Mothers hover too much whereas the fathers tend to leave the kids on their own
• Persistence was a skill best learned from mothers than fathers
• Risk-taking was a skill best learned from fathers than mothers
• Independent work was also a skill best learned from fathers than mothers
• Fathers pratice exploration, trial and error, whereas the mothers were more comfortable with a set pattern of play
• Mothers more concerned about safety like accompanying the child to the toilet so that the child does not get lost etc.
• Children dependent on mothers, with fathers, they manage on their own

68% of fathers and 38% of mothers allowed the child to understand the toy/puzzle/app/game/activity on its own

32% fathers motivated the child if the child was stuck

72% mothers ended up doing it for the child

Traits of a father with the child

The survey also revealed some statistics that included more than 50% fathers do go out with their children at least once a week, only 18% of fathers go out alone with the children, otherwise most of the time they are with someone from the family so the responsibility of taking care of the kids while outside is shared. This needs to change.

Only 16% fathers are able to stay away from screens when at home whereas 42% are hooked to screens while at home *Over 60% fathers participate in household chores not related to parenting like washing, dusting etc. and this is a good trend.