Why desi netas will never charm the English media

We, in the mainstream media, are accused of a thousand biases these days. But there is one particular bias we are truly guilty of. The differential and deferential treatment we extend towards certain netas became apparent by the coverage of the remarks of minister of external affairs, Salman Khurshid, recently.

When asked about the state of relations between India and China, with our neighbour camping for the last two weeks in Indian territory in Ladakh, the foreign minister took recourse to some dodgy humour.

While forces on both sides were trying to prevent an escalation in the crisis by holding numerous flag meetings, Khurshid dismissed the incursion as mere ‘acne’ that shouldn’t mar the beauty of Sino-Indian relations. Now, Khurshid is a self-proclaimed expert on the English language so he doesn’t need columnists like me to tell him that his joke wasn’t the most ‘diplomatic’ . But I was intrigued with the way we all just accepted his words.

There was no outraged headline, no reactions from other leaders or diplomats to the appropriateness (or inappropriateness) of this comment. We just put it down to Khurshid’s way with the ‘language’

There’s another man in the Union cabinet who fancies himself as a funnyman too. But when he tried the comic routine some time ago, we made him eat his words. Coal minister Sriprakash Jaiswal even picked an appropriate place like a  kavi sammelan to make a joke about how old wins in cricket lose their charm like wives do over the years.

Now, this was as bad a joke as Khurshid’s acne remark, but were we outraged by one and only briefly took note of the other?

You may suggest that Jaiswal’s comment was deeply chauvinistic and that’s why it was unacceptable. But I have a different theory. I think that the only reason Jaiswal was slammed and Khurshid wasn’t, is because we English mediawallahs prefer English Types to Desi Boys (or girls).

Khurshid’s Stephen’s-Oxford antecedent ensures that the other privileged types in the media, sharing his Stephen’s or Oxbridge background, are always willing to provide an understanding and willing ear to his words.

So even when he stooped to the level of street fights by saying things like: “I’ve been made a minister so I work with a pen but I can also work with blood,” some of us stepped in to explain to the rest-of-us-language-culture-impaired folks that his words were actually a ‘figure of speech’ and by getting offended by Khurshid’s words, we were just exposing our own lack of sophistication.

Now Jaiswal has an exceptional command over Hindi, but the Englishwallahs in the media neither care, nor bother to appreciate that. So whatever he says, from Rahul Gandhi’s prospects of becoming the next Prime Minister to developments in the coal ministry is reviled or ignored. The media wouldn’t bother to find out why coal miners were happy with Jaiswal (apparently he got them good quality shoes) because they simply aren’t interested in him.

No, we can’t be bothered with desi boys which is why we love to graze on international stories and fantasise about Barack Obama being our neta. Hell, he’s even capuccino-coloured like us. Each time he appears somewhere and utters anything, we instantly start beating our chests and wishing our leaders would speak like this.

The thing is, I really, really can’t recall anything that memorable that he has said recently apart from his faux pas about attorney general Kamala Harris’ good looks. And that’s one controversy his media fans here in India decided to stay out of.

No, we just want to focus on hoping they become like Barack Obama — that all our ministers and MPs come into TV studios, do a dance, and crack a few ‘appropriate’ jokes.
We don’t care about the ones who’d just focus on their own constituencies or ministries; we don’t care if they win election after election in the real heart of the country while dealing with real people, and we don’t care if they draw large crowds, unless they speak like us.

Yes, we’re a cruel lot of superficial sods who are taken in by things like Twitter followings.

No wonder Madhya Pradesh chief minister Shivraj Singh Chauhan felt inadequate despite winning so many elections and cycling around the boondocks of Madhya Pradesh to get to know his people better. He told NDTV that perhaps he lacked the personality of other media-savvy politicians, hinting at Narendra Modi. He’s now furiously tweeting about jyoti abhiyaans and his views on the Chinese incursion, hoping that 140 characters will bridge the gap between Bhopal and the national media of New Delhi.

You may argue that there’s one Desi Boy we love to bits. Lalu Prasad Yadav has been the King of TV whether he’s most wanted for fodder or a mantri. But look closer the next time he appears on TV. Was it serious or just comic relief? After all, even the Englishwallahs need a good belly laugh sometimes.

Sunetra  Choudhury is an anchor/reporter for NDTV and is the author of the election travelogue Braking News.