‘I have always defied perceptions and labels’: Lisa Ray on her memoir

When we compliment Lisa Ray on the emerald green ensemble she has on for her book launch event, the model, actress and now, author, tells us, “My friends were like, it’s your book launch, you have to wear something bright!’” It certainly highlights her light green eyes and we tell her that these days, there are awards for stylish authors as well. “That’s the thing, why can’t we be both, right?” she asks.

In a way, the cancer survivor’s entire life has been all about defying norms and fighting off labels. One of India’s first supermodels, the daughter of a Bengali father and Polish mother started her journey with entertainment at the age of 16. Close To The Bone is her insightful travelogue about her life-changing experiences, including her acting projects, her battle with eating disorders, being diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma at the age of 37, her spiritual quest, her heartaches and triumphs along the way. “There is no contract any of us sign that we are going to get through life without any problems. Yet, we have the tendency to feel ashamed about presenting what are perceived to be our flaws. For me, my flaws are what make me beautiful. 

I believe we are more beautiful for having been broken. That is me today,” she states, pointing to the chemotherapy scar on her chest. “Sometimes during shoots, they ask if they should cover it, and I say, ‘Don’t, it’s part of who I am’.” Over to Lisa...

It’s been a while since we saw you on the silver screen. Are you open to acting in Bollywood projects or doing web series?

I am a part of the web series Four More Shots Please. That was a great experience. Then, I have AR Rahman’s film 99 Songs. I only do the projects that really interest me because it’s my time away from my family and my writing.

Writing’s always been a part of your journey, right?

Always, since I was a child. I’ve only been delayed by 30 years! (Laughs). That is also one of the motivations behind writing the book, to explain this slightly surreal trajectory that my life has taken. Having said that, I have some stories to tell now and some experiences under my belt, so perhaps I will be a stronger writer for it. My entire career is literally an accident on many different levels. Entering the entertainment business in India has definitely been an accident. Also, it’s hard to understand because today’s entertainment world has changed so much since 1991, when I started. It wasn’t such a machine as it is today. So I thought it’s a worthwhile story to tell. Of course, it took me away from what I think is my primary passion and calling – writing. But I never stopped writing. I have been compulsively writing — journals, notebooks, poetry, articles for magazines. I literally have stacks and stacks of cardboard boxes from the last 20 years of my life!

So there’s a lot more to expect from you?

Yes, and it has helped a lot when it came to writing this book. Eventually, I would like to write fiction. I’m an observer. I create a back-story for strangers and I’m an introvert by nature. That’s my comfort zone and that’s how I process and understand the world around me.

Lisa Ray

What’s the idea behind the title of the book?

It’s an intriguing title, which I think, works on a few different levels. As a writer, it interests me. I am as taken by how a story is told as the story itself. Each and every sentence I wrote in the book, the title ended up being a manifestation of that. It’s a little bit lyrical and enigmatic and a little hard to place. Also, it’s a play on words, considering I was diagnosed with bone cancer and I have lived a life close to the bone. It implies stripping away a lot of peripheral stuff. But it’s open to interpretation and that’s also what I wanted.

What has been the takeaway for you as the author of this book?

For me, it’s a chance to connect, to reveal, to take control of my own narrative. Having been in this business for as long as I have — having started very young and having developed as woman in terms of my voice and my authenticity — I still am labelled. It’s a double-edged sword to be successful in the glamour business. You invite all the things that people consider define success — fame, money and reputation. On the other hand, you are boxed. People actually feel angry and threatened if I don’t conform exactly to those perceptions of me, over the years. My personal journey has always been about defying perceptions and labels. I was born a rebel and that’s come from my parents. So, the book is an opportunity for me to define myself as I feel. The book is a revelation for me, probably the most creative project I have ever been a part of in my life, even bigger than a film release.

With your husband Jason by your side and your twin daughters, Sufi and Soleil, do you feel more settled and sorted now?

There is less restlessness, perhaps. I was chasing answers, love, wholeness and I found them all within myself. I married the most incredible man but that happened after I started loving myself. I wasn’t looking for him to complete me. Everything else has fallen into place. I decided to become a mother at this age in my life because I knew that I was whole and fulfilled and I could be a good mother. I did it at the time it was right for me, because I had healed myself and I was ready to be able to give as much as take. But yes, I do get restless. I have a lot of ambitions. I want to be great writer. I want to win the Booker prize! And I don’t see that as a contradiction to who I am. Why can’t I be both?