Arjun Kapoor: You shouldn’t have to try, it should just happen...

I am sure Arjun Kapoor is guarded when he talks, but he makes it sound spontaneous. Every time I talk to him, I am stumped by how clear his thoughts are about, life, people, family, films, and friendship. He is surprisingly articulate (looks ARE deceptive) and  shockingly practical. He is been through a lot in his life, his weight issues,  his mom’s illness, his father’s absence but  to his credit, he has never played a victim. He has been in a few relationships but they haven’t worked out for whatever reason. While all his contemporaries —Ranveer, Varun, Sidharth— are dating, Arjun believes he is ready now. Here, for the first time he opens up about the dating scene and where he finds himself in it. Read on...

All of your co-stars are dating, and you are  not. Is it hard to find love?

I don’t know, yaar. I think it is just hard to balance your life out from time to time. You kind of start believing that you are ready for it and work comes your way and suddenly you are thrown into that whole thing of concentrating on your work and then you cannot give it time.

How is everybody else managing?

I think they all have their ups and downs. I don’t think it’s not hunky-dory for any relationship, everybody has their testing times back and forth. Sometimes, you survive it and sometimes you don’t. I cannot comment on how they are surviving but the love has to be true and it has to be pure and it has to be able to face all those odds. I think in my case I have genuinely believed I am ready for a relationship and I have given it a lot of thought and I have tried to be that person but you shouldn’t have to try, it should just happen.

True.

It’s a very thin line between trying to be in a relationship and just being in a relationship. I don’t think it’s difficult finding a person in that sense.

As a successful actor, when you meet someone, don’t you go through that ‘Does she like me for me, or who I am’?

It’s about what you want out of the relationship. Sometimes, you want more and sometimes you want less. It’s about meeting that correct person at the correct time. You’ll meet a lot of people over the course of your life.

How? Do you even meet girls outside the industry?

Not so much. Primarily, because you are so bound by the work that you’re doing and there are trust issues that develop after that which is unfortunate. I do believe it would make us (actors)  more well-grounded if we interact with a lot more people outside our fraternity, of the opposite sex as well as generally, people. But we suffer on that account. All of us have that one complaint, we complain about it, but not too many people do much about it.

That’s why I like people like Homi (Adajania). They disappear, go do their thing. They still have the ability to live life beyond their work... I envy that aspect of their lives. We are so embedded in the profession that we find it difficult to uproot ourselves.

Please continue

I think more than finding love, it’s just about finding a relationship or a companion is something that one has to give your all to. You can’t be 50 per cent in it, you got to be 100 per cent, I feel I’m ready for it, so you never know... in the next few months you might see me in a committed relationship. I think it’s important to have a companion and I have lived alone enough now.

That’s refreshing. Most actors who say I don’t have time for love and...

I think what happens is  your priorities... You want to prioritise your relationship but it’s always work that gets prioritised and your relationship does suffer on account.

Why is it like that only for actors?

Because our time is not our own ever.

But that’s also true of CEOs , bankers and businessmen...

I think there is not so much of scrutiny in the relationship also.

The limelight, yes, that can be a problem...

The scrutiny kind of makes it worse no? It’s a simple thing. Let me give you an example, today if an actor has a dinner date with his girlfriend and suddenly last minute his friend calls and says, ‘Aare yaar my screening is happening just come.’

Simple, take her and go.

But she might not come because the media is there. Then there will be an argument. She wants to go for dinner, and she will argue why did you not tell me sooner. And now I’m like, yaar he is my friend, he has just asked me. And I am working with this XYZ producer, whose film is releasing, I have to go show my face, then I have to see the film, so now okay we can’t meet for dinner, I’ll meet you after. Then she will say, ‘No, but I have got work tomorrow, now I’m going to sleep.’ It just reaches a point where last minute things come up, you’re shooting...

You think it’s easier to date an actress than a regular girl?

I have not dated a regular person.

Maybe you should try that.

No, I have met... I have gone out, met, not that the media would ever know about it here because I’m talking about when I’m travelling and stuff like that you meet people and you go out for dinner or whatever, it’s much easier to be away from this city and interact with non-filmi people. But the people who you meet while travelling, know how difficult it’s going to be. So their aim is not about a relationship ever. It’s about the casualness, the conversation and flirting. All that is fine, but they will never invest beyond that because they are also aware ki yeh nahi de paega jo hume chahiye. Eventually, they know that these guys are too caught up in their own work and world...

It’s the opposite, I think. Any girl would love to date an actor.

Hmmm. Maybe, I am very honest about the fact that I am like this, so they get a sense that okay he is not somebody who is looking for a long-term relationship at this point in time. But you have to lay the cards out on the table saying I am still discovering, I am still learning. Now, after four years, I feel I am in a place where I can balance. I can make certain choices. In the beginning part of your career you cannot say a lot of no, you got to say more yes than no. Now, I can say aaj nahi kal or I can say kal nahi parso karta hoon. I can still do my work, but I can pace it. So, that definitely will allow me to build my personal life a bit more than I was for the last four years. Now, I am only doing one film at a time that also gives you a little more leverage. I think those are important elements for me.