The name's Bond, Sanskari Bond: Twitter mocks CBFC chief Pahlaj Nihalani

A week after forcing us to watch the worst CGI-fest to hit the theatres since the George Lucas’ Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Pahlaj Nihalani is back in the news for some bizarre cuts made in the new James Bond movie – Spectre. According to reports, the CBFC (Pahlaj Nihalni is chief ) didn't appreciate the length of James Bond's kisses. The latest James Bond movie Spectre have four cuts, two verbal and two visual.

Both of James Bond’s kissing scenes have been reduced by 50%. A source was quoted as saying: “Both of Daniel Craig’s kisses with his co-stars have been reduced by 50%. The censor board had nothing against James Bond kissing. But the length of the kisses were found to be unnecessarily excessive.  We wonder how the Censor Board decides how much kissing is enough.”

Not the first time

Till now, some of Nihalani's most bizarre diktats include a list of banned cuss words (which already existed but was not followed rigorously), muting the word ‘lesbian’ in Dum Laga Ke Haisha and banning the release of 50 Shades of Grey in India. Ashoke Pandit, a fellow member of the CBFC infamous for his tweet on the AIB roast, called him an 'archaic monarch'who treats the CBFC like his own fiefdom, whose ridiculous diktats and autocratic functioning make CBFC a laughing stock.

Obviously, when the Twitterati found out about cuts made in Spectre, they couldn't help themselves as they started trending #SanskariJamesBond and wondered how different life would be for James if he was born as a traditional desi.  Here are some of the top Tweets: 

#SanskariJamesBond has the Incense to Kill ! pic.twitter.com/01yiOf7E2F

— Virinder Villkhoo (@filmantic) November 18, 2015

Good one.  

So does #SanskariJamesBond come online & abuse all women?

— Priyashmita Guha (@priyashmita) November 18, 2015

A h/t to the internet culture on Twitter.  

Alok Nath already gearing up for the lead role of #SanskariJamesBond pic.twitter.com/YMNTPbDjtq

— Sand-d Singh (@Sand_In_Deed) November 18, 2015

Idris Elba who?  

Indian Censor Board approved James Bond sex scene: She: Do you have a condom? James: No. I have something better. pic.twitter.com/q7pyHWfdkt

— Sahil Shah (@SahilBulla) November 18, 2015

Censor Board is against kissing scenes, waiting for Baba Ramdev to direct movies under Patanjali Ayurvedic films.

— EngiNerd. (@mainbhiengineer) November 18, 2015

A hat-tip to Patanjali noodles.  

The name's Bond. James Bond. *He reaches for her dress* *one awkward cut later* *They are in the car* That was fun.

— Sahil Shah (@SahilBulla) November 18, 2015

Censor Board to cut kissing scenes... Lip sympathy to Indian Culture?

— Rasheed Kappan (@kappansky) November 18, 2015

Long kissing is against Indian culture. We only believe in groping and squeezing. #shameonyouBond

— Ray Ban (@Purba_Ray) November 18, 2015

 

Censor Board is clear. Make in India? Good good. Make out in India? NEVER.

— Ramesh Srivats (@rameshsrivats) November 18, 2015

Weapon of #SanskariJamesBond pic.twitter.com/xzNzdJkimv

— Patakha Chikna (@Madan_Chikna) November 18, 2015

 

Rising intolerance towards James Bond's kissing :-/

— Shan (@klpe) November 18, 2015

*Starts searching for awards to return*

Pic 1: James Bond Pic 2: #SanskariJamesBond pic.twitter.com/IpJes1IGGY

— Aw Man (@Fabled_Me) November 18, 2015

 

#SanskariJamesBond Refrains from meat on Tuesdays and Doesn't shave on Saturday

— SocoMumbai (@SocoMumbai) November 18, 2015

#SanskariJamesBond keeps couple of roses in his wallet. Whenever he feels like kissing someone, he takes out roses and shake 'em for camera!

— Vinit Tibrewal (@vinittibrewal) November 18, 2015

 

Dear Censor Board, Instead of James Bond kisses, why don't you censor PREM RATAN DHAN PAYO songs, they are injurious to health. -Indians

— Yo Yo लाफ्टर Singh! (@Mocksterr) November 18, 2015

 A ban I'd consider supporting. 

Does CB chief realize that his recent video was a 5 mins long kiss? What do you mean the ones on asses don't count! https://t.co/UGCpjxRAVB

— DiwaliyaRatty (@YearOfRat) November 18, 2015

Does he? Does he? 

Censor Board approved kiss for James Bond pic.twitter.com/ch6f5Pd9ZP

— Trendulkar (@Trendulkar) November 18, 2015

#SanskariJamesBond first visits the parents, shows he has a Govt job & has a good in-hand salary to ask the hand of his Bond-girl

— Gabbbar (@GabbbarSingh) November 18, 2015

True story.  

#SanskariJamesBond takes M's aashirwad before every mission. Because M stands for Maa.

— Rituparna Chatterjee (@MasalaBai) November 18, 2015

#SanskariJamesBond has a small idol of Ganeshji on the dashboard of his Aston Martin

— Atul Khatri (@one_by_two) November 18, 2015

One lassi please....shaken not stirred...and some malai to go with it. #SanskariJamesBond

— Scotchy (@scotchism) November 18, 2015

In #SanskariJamesBond movies, Bond girls will have names like Pooja & Aarti. "What's Bond doing?" "Pooja & Aarti" "Oh!"

— Roflindian 2.0 (@Roflindian) November 18, 2015

I can't go on a mission because tomorrow is Raakhi and I can't betray my sisters. #SanskariJamesBond

— Mr. Solo Dolo (@Psychopath_Oo) November 18, 2015

 

#SanskariJamesBond don't kill the villain..he takes him for satsang

— GabbaR (@SaffronAnil) November 18, 2015

#SanskariJamesBond gives up martinis. He now likes Amul Masti (not the unsanskaari type) Chaas- Shaken, not stirred!

— Anjali Lukose (@anjali_lukose) November 18, 2015

#SanskariJamesBond For Your Third Eye Only

— Atul Khatri (@one_by_two) November 18, 2015

James Bond ~ Dry Martini #SanskariJamesBond ~ Dahi with chini

— Mr. Tippler (@MrTippler) November 18, 2015

Shaken, not stirred?  

@coolfunnytshirt #SanskariJamesBond pic.twitter.com/RNLw9poDv2

— Athiest Hindu (@khud_gabbar007) November 18, 2015

Raoul Silva examining James Bond's "taabiz". #SanskariJamesBond pic.twitter.com/GpGw7mbh99

— Rohit Vats (@nawabjha) November 18, 2015

#SanskariJamesBond 's new car. pic.twitter.com/Z2FSvFh0BQ

— Trendulkar (@Trendulkar) November 18, 2015