Taming the taboo around period sex

There are few as vocal as writer Kat George in advocating period sex. Among her articles for Bustle, Jezebel, Oxygen, XOJane and more is her famous Vice column, Why Period Sex Is the Best Sex (and Should Probably Be Mandatory), replete with a header image of a used sanitary napkin.

“I want nothing to do with a man who refuses to f**k me while I’m on the rag,” George said in her 2012 write-up. “I bleed, therefore I am. And if you want my vagina, you have to accept her as she is, which is sometimes with chunks of clot and other uterus crap coming out of her.”

Thirty-eight-year-old Ranjana Sunder* had a Hallelujah moment with this piece. But unlike George, she (a) hasn’t had a partner with whom she’s comfortable to have peno-vaginal sex while on her period, and (b) she has other means.

“Not a cycle went by where I didn’t have to pop a Cyclopam on my second day due to cramps [primary dysmenorrhea]. Then one time, when I was particularly aroused, I watched porn and had one of the best orgasms,” says the Mumbai-based chartered accountant. “Orgasms are the best pain relievers. I suggest all women go for it, whether through penetrative sex or not.”

Period sex is a no-go despite efforts to de-stigmatise menstruation and the waves created globally by Indian-origin activists Rupi Kaur, Miki Agrawal, and Kiran Gandhi (who free-bled through the 2015 London Marathon). Even the Fifty Shades of Grey film did away with the ‘period scene’ in the book, where Christian Grey has sex with a menstruating Anastasia Steele. Uterine lining, it seems, is revolting. Warped views on BDSM aren’t.

“No one has asked about period sex in my 15 years of practice,” reveals Dr Bandita Sinha, a gynaecologist at Navi Mumbai’s Apollo Clinic and Fortis Hiranandani Hospital. “Different women have variable sexual urges during their period, but even those with a heightened urge are discouraged from acting on it. Female libido is repressed anyway. Add periods to the mix, and you have a double taboo.”

While period sex is advantageous – increased lubrication, relief from physical and emotional discomfort (read: PMS) due to the endorphin rush, and minimal chances of pregnancy – Dr Sinha warns that even people open to it make uninformed assumptions. The most common: that no protection is required because conception is impossible. But if women with short cycles – say 21 days – have unprotected sex when the period wanes and they ovulate within a week, conception just may take place.

Menstruation is not a contraceptive. Do not treat it as such.

“Sex without a condom is not advisable also because menstrual blood (alkaline) neutralises the pH balance of the vagina (acidic). Acidic pH is a natural barrier against infections. In short, menstruating women are more prone to fungal or urinary infections,” explains Dr Sinha. The cervix also widens at this time, she adds. Both situations, coupled with blood flow, increase risks of sexually-transmitted diseases.

While Dr Sinha is yet to come across patients who’d consider period sex, sexologist and counsellor Dr Pavan Sonar has clients who are open to the same. In his case, it’s the men who seem more game than their female partners.

“Because Indian women, whether religious or not, have been conditioned for centuries to think menstrual blood is ‘unhygienic’ and something to be ashamed of. Not that men are any less,” he laughs. “The same culture that fears period blood venerates ‘virgin blood’ as a virtue.”

But menstruation in itself, leave alone sexual activity at this time, is a global taboo, points out Christina Bobel. The associate professor of Women's Studies at the University of Massachusetts, one of the world’s foremost menstrual activists, serves on the board of Society for Menstrual Cycle Research.

“Urine, faeces, mucus, blood, breast milk, sweat, dandruff, etc. are not regarded with equal disgust even though they are all body by-products. We reserve an ‘Ew!’ reaction for menstrual fluid. This is linked to the fact that women produce this fluid,” says Bobel in an e-mail interview.

“Menstruation contradicts the socially-constructed notion of what it means to be feminine – clean, fresh-smelling, tidy, dainty,” she continues. “Women are expected to work on their bodies to make them feminine. As a natural process, menstruation violates the carefully-cultivated feminine form. So what to do? Hide it, clean it up, pretend it does not happen.”

In The Modern Period: Menstruation in Twentieth-Century America, Lara Freidenfelds makes an interesting observation as to why some women are unenthusiastic about period sex: because even with the judicious use of towels during coitus, it’s women who are expected to clean up later:

“Women have generally been the ones responsible for cleaning sheets, nightgowns, and anything else that might get stained as a result of sexual intercourse during menstruation. Just because women’s health concerns surrounding menstruation had greatly diminished did not mean that they were willing to deal with the practical implications of having sex during menstruation.”

We just can’t catch a break.