‘Which Friends character are you’ was a popular game on the internet in the early days of social media. Pop quizzes that claimed to ‘decode’ your personality would tell you which of the six protagonists from the hit sitcom you were. I would proudly show off after every quiz told me I was Chandler Bing. Jennifer Anniston became a bigger star, and David Schwimmer was a better actor arguably but in Chandler, Matthew Perry gave us the most likable character from the iconic show. So, it wasn’t a suprise that when many Indians woke up Sunday morning with the phone notification reading: ‘Matthew Perry dies at 54’, it felt like a deep personal loss.
Celeb deaths have a way of feeling more personal than they should. You don’t know this person. You probably have never met them. And yet, they have been an important part of our lives. After all, it’s the loss of a person who gave us joy, allowed us to dream. But even then, the death of this person in far away US has hit most in India harder than others. This one feels more personal than most. Of course, part of that is because most of us over the age of 30 grew up on a steady dose of Friends. We learnt what sarcasm was from Chandler Bing. We learnt how to be funny (or at least tried to be) from how he told jokes. Chandler Bing was the patron saint of wannabe funny guys like me – the archetype of how to use humour as a defence mechanism.
But it’s more than just his funny on-screen side. Chandler Bing, the character, and Matthew Perry, the man – both taught us that vulnerability is not a crime for men. Chandler’s character battled self doubts, image issues, and even addiction (cigarette addiction being tackled in a 90s’ sitcom was a big deal). The character taught us that flaws are ok and how you combat them determines how worthy you are.
Off the screen, Perry was dealing with his own demons. His battle with substance abuse often spilled over to the show in the form of his very apparent weight fluctuations. Perry never shied away from talking about his struggles. He spoke about his memory loss, the money he spent on rehab, and how recovery helped him become a better man. This is the aspect of his life that endeared him to new fans.
We millennials – the so-called 90s’ kids – grew up in a world that was sold to us as ideal. Conformity was rewarded. Our previous generation taught us that issues like mental health and addiction are taboo and not to be aired in public. As we grew up, we realised these ‘taboo’ subjects need to be talked about. We need to normalise talking about this struggle too. And here we found our favourite friend talking about his battles. A new generation of Indian millennials – many who did not even watch Friends – suddenly began liking him, for who he was off screen and not just because he told jokes on a show.
For those who knew about Perry’s struggles with alcohol and drug addiction and his subsequent victory over it, the news of his sudden death comes as a much harder pill to swallow. There is this sense of injustice. He battled it for years and came out on top. He beat his demons and was now embarking upon his second innings – a new man. He had earned this life and for it to be snatched away in such an untimely fashion seems like a cruel joke – to him and all those who went on this journey with him.
But unlike in Friends, life does not always get the perfect ending. Matthew Perry lived a relatively short life. There is a lot he could have still achieved. To many, his abundant talent will remain unfulfilled. But he still achieved much more than millions ever will. And in this time, let us remember that – the good things that made him so endearing and so liked. Farewell 'Miss Chanandler Bong', there will never be another like you!
