JNU row: Manufacturing nationalism in India, Modi-style

The recent JNU row has in a microcosm perfectly explained the state of the Indian democracy that has come to exist in 2016. An alleged anti-national chant, a self-righteous mob, brutal police force, politicians turning up to show solidarity and an over-the-top media trial have come together to show the world that India is ready to be China. There seems to be a rise of 'hyper nationalistic' pride to show the world that India is the perfect destination for investors.  

Let's take a look at the JNU incident so far. First off, we had people celebrating a known terrorist, after which the Students Union president was dragged off to jail faster than you can say ‘sedition’. Now let’s be clear that one doesn’t know whether Kanhaiya Kumar (whose initials KK make him perfect to play narrator in a neo-Kafkaesque version of The Trial), did chant anti-national slogans or not, but he was certainly standing by while people chanted anti-India and pro-Afzal Guru slogans.

Then we had the champion of the oppressed Rahul Gandhi (when it’s related to non-Congress related state issues), turned up to show his solidarity with students and compare the Modi regime with Hitler, all the while showing a remarkable level of amnesia for the fact that his grandmother had probably perpetuated the same during the Emergency.

Next up, we had the Home Minister, known for jumping the gun on Twitter, claiming that the protest had LeT leader Hafiz Saeed’s support, which led Mr Saeed to release a video saying “Sorry boss, JNU is way too liberal for me”. Then family planning enthusiast Sadhvi Prachi turned up at JNU to say that the institute was funded by Mr Saeed, even though we’re pretty sure she doesn’t know what the acronym stands for.

Next up, we had a blogpost from Mr Amit Shah, the BJP’s President, in which he gave Rahul a history lesson to remind him that it was his Grandma who was the real Hitler and the nation wouldn’t take these insults lying down. And let us not forget that while this was going down, our favourite news anchor Chief Offended Officer commandeered a session where he routinely abused some JNU students for daring to utter words while he talked about Lance Naik Hanumanthappa’s bravery. 

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So, the time was ripe for some decisive action, and it was surprisingly brought about by members of the legal profession, who we assume must have promised to follow the law of the land at some point of time or another.

But legal studies aside, the crew showed a remarkable capacity for throwing out the law book as they decided to beat up a bunch of ‘anti-national’ journalists, JNU students and teachers. Now if one were to think this was an instantaneous patriotic reaction like self-combustion, it was actually a well-planned attack, a method more popular among political goons.

Not that the political establishment was completely MIA, as OP Sharma, one of the BJP’s holy trinity in the Delhi Assembly and best known for making misogynist comments, decided to put his best foot forward as he thrashed a CPI member for daring to exist. Now the funny bit is that Mr Sharma seemed to have been there for a separate case involving Jaitley and decided to join in because, who the hell doesn’t like beating up some lefties! The fine gentleman was also paraphrasing the anti-thesis of Anurag Kashyap's famous 'Goli nahin marenge' dialogue to claim that if he had a gun, he would have shot them for insulting his mother.  

Azaan Javaid, our reporter in Delhi who carries a jhola (and who might as well wear an ‘I am an anti-national t-shirt with those credentials) told us that when he heard the lawyers mutter terms of endearment like “Set kardeingein”, he expected an ink attack. But little did he know that the good lawyers hadn’t evolved to learn the Shiv Sena’s 'peaceful' ways.

Mr Javaid added that he was called endearing terms like ‘bearded terrorist and Pakistani aulaad (son)’ as he was chased out of court by the finest upholders of our nationalistic tradition (like the cops who picked up some kurta-wearing, jhola-carrying guys). 

Our other reporter, Ritika Jain was told ‘Better get out now or else’.

In many ways, the JNU row is a better showcase of India to the entire world, much better than the huge ostentatious 'Make in India Week' show that was almost doused by its flames.

With the JNU reaction, the government is sending out a very, very strong message to the entire world: Come, come to our shores and invest, we want your money and we shall get rid of anyone who stands in your or our way and hinders us. It’s what made the Chinese great and it looks like the message is clear that the lumbering elephant can become the dragon.