Why I’m not an actor, writes Shweta Bachchan Nanda

To the manor born’, ‘in the family firm’, ‘born with greasepaint on’: these are a few epithets that don’t apply to me, never have, and chances that they ever will stick, are slim to none. It’s a question I am asked all the time: ‘Why aren’t you an actor? Didn’t you ever want to be an actor?’ You might as well be asking me why I’m not a doctor or a stockbroker. 

It’s not a simple answer, and to be quite honest, up until my editor asked me to write about it, I haven’t ever given it much thought. Here’s a little story that came to mind ... My mother says when I was an infant, I used to visit them on their film sets quite often, at that point both were busy actors, and the hectic film schedules of yore had them pulling in multiple shifts for multiple films leaving precious little time to spend with me!! Therefore obligatory set visits. 

Turns out, one day, I was playing around in my father’s makeup room and as a young child is wont to do, stuck my finger into an open socket and was delivered a sharp shock for my efforts. I think that pretty much sealed the deal, both on their end and mine, and set visits came to a grinding halt. So there is this reason and there is the fact that well, I had no aptitude for acting... here’s how that story goes.

During my years in school, I did try to audition for and partake in school plays. Reason being I was not very inclined towards more physically challenging activities like sports. And to say my drawing was godawful is being rather kind, considering the mush I kept churning out. So I thought acting and singing would be easier options and tried out for a play in junior school, I was cast as a Hawaiian girl in my class’s performance of It’s A Small World, along with a bunch of other girls whose only redeeming quality was that we were all tall!

Grass skirts were made painstakingly out of crepe paper and colourful flowers garlanded our necks and heads. I felt rather exotic and during the long months of rehearsals leading up to the performance, tended to feel quite sorry for the girls in the fisherfolk dance, with all those complicated steps they had to learn, and to top it all, they had boys for partners. The Hawaiians were an all-girl outfit, and all we had to do was undulate our arms and twirl, looking pretty and most importantly tall. 

However, on the day of reckoning, we gathered backstage all dressed and prepared! As anyone who has been in the wings knows, it is always short on space, and as packed as front stage... The Hawaiians were all queued up waiting our turn when an onslaught from the exiting Nativity scene — Mother Mary, in particular, a rather unruly girl — rushed into us head-on, and in the scuffle, my beautiful crepe paper skirt was torn right off. Not entirely, just the bit on the back! I dissolved into tears holding the remenants of my injured pride and skirt up to the teacher who said, “It doesn’t matter, when all the other girls twirl, you just stand still!”

When our turn came, I was the only girl who didn’t do a pretty twirl and ended up looking like I had forgotten my one simple single step! Disaster, I swore never to get on stage again but not before I took two more turns, one where I auditioned for the part of Scherezade in A Thousand & One Nights and ended up getting the role of the Spider in Little Miss Muffet! The other one was my turn as a maid in Pygmalion and a German hausfrau/flower girl/passer by in my high school production of O What A Lovely War — a satire on World War I. Personal experiences aside, it takes a lot of talent and tenacity to be an actor. Even more so, if you come from a line of actors. It is supposed to be in your blood apparently. How, no one has ever taken the pains to explain! I am a keen observer and melodramatic in disposition and that are about all the traits I have inherited. Then there is looks and coordination, neither of which I have in required quantities for the silver screen.

Last but not least, is my crippling fear of the camera and crowds! There is something about “Start sound, camera, action” that makes me freeze up and garble my speech like I have a mouth full of marbles. Being an actor and a successful one at that, is the stuff fairy-tales are made of, as you reach unimaginable heights. But it is a tough world and most people do not realise the personal sacrifices made to get to these lofty positions. A lot of my life has been shaped by these very sacrifices made by my parents. 

Let’s just say I chickened out, learning very early on what being in the business meant for me, I chose to live away from its glitter and glamour. This was MY decision, not one thrust on me from any member of my family because of my gender. I enjoy the movies just as much as the next person, I owe my existence and privileged life to it. But I would rather pay for my ticket and watch it in a theater popcorn and cold drink in my hand than swim in the giant fishbowl that is the life of an actor.