For most of us, saying yes comes more easily than saying no. Since childhood, we have been taught and conditioned to say yes, even if we want to say no. Saying no or refusing someone is seen as bad manners.
As a result, you may find yourself in a compromising situation. For example, you may have to put up with nosy and irritating neighbours even if you dislike them, you have to do an acquaintance a favour even if you don’t have the time, and you have to smile and tolerate people at weddings and other ceremonies, even as you are wishing you were elsewhere.
With the passage of time, a person matures. He thinks to himself: ‘Why am I doing this or talking to this person, even if I don’t want to?’ Half his mind tells him to stop while the other half — the conditioned half — tells him that to do so would be improper. That he must endure the moment, to keep his reputation and image intact. ‘Don’t be so selfish’, his mind tells him. This places an undue amount of strain on the person’s resources and mental well-being. He is left feeling frustrated, emotionally worn out, and filled with stress and anguish.
While it is good to selflessly say yes, it is also perfectly OK to say no, occasionally. The basic necessity for a man’s happy existence is the personal freedom to say and do what he wants. Forcibly saying yes and accepting tasks that one really dislikes, is only going to make one sad and distressed. So, once in a while, try saying no to your neighbour or friend, when you really don’t feel like obliging them, or try skipping a wedding or a gathering which you don’t feel like attending.
Rest assured that it will make you feel better, and no great harm or disaster is likely to strike you. You will also learn the art of assertiveness in the process.
Dr Vaidyanathan is a Mumbai-based general physician
