Razia Hafiz is a unique woman. She sits across from me, clad in a green sari and matching jewellery. She is from Tellichery in Kerala and belongs to the famous Kay family. I notice an understated confidence in her; the confidence of a woman bathed in age-old traditions, yet new in her thinking. She has a sense of surety about her. Is it her family structure which gives her this inherent self-assurance?
Mother may I...?
Razia's family, like many other Muslim families in the Malabar region, follow the Marumakathayam system, the matriarchal system of Kerala. Just like the Nairs of Kerala, they honour the eldest woman as the head of the family, and the husbands move into their wives' homes.
The 'umma', as Razia refers to the head of the family, is in charge of the home, its members and property. "It has been like this for a very long time," says Razia. “We live in a large tharavad (ancestral joint-family home) in Tellicherry and my mother is the head of the family today. This is the way the system works; the eldest female becomes the head.”
The bridegroom moves in
“When I got married, my husband moved into my ancestral house, just like my father and my sisters' husbands did!" She smiles, watching the enamoured expression on my face. "I think it's a good system. It's sad that not too many families follow it any longer. When the bridegroom comes into the family, a special room called maniyara is provided for him. He is known as pudiyapplai, meaning 'new groom'. And till the day he dies, he will be referred to as pudiyapplai. When new bridegrooms arrive, new rooms are added to the house.”
Razia speaks of the respect given to these bridegrooms by the family, "they are honoured at all times and do not have to worry about contributing to the household expenses, if they are not in a position to do so." So the families tend to be large, and increase in size as girls are born to the family!
Razia says her brothers left their house to join their wives. "When they visit, we look after them and their wives to the best of our capacity. But the pudiyapallai is the most important at all times,” she adds.
An equal inheritance
Children take the mother's family name and custody remains with both parents. Interestingly, as per inheritance law, a property is divided according to the number of girls in each individual family. "It means that if there is a chunk of property, it will be divided not according to the number of families, but the number of female members in the family. Brothers do get a share, but only equal to what is given to my sisters' or my daughters and us.'
Sister, Sister
Women are of prime importance in this system. A fact that Razia credits with keeping families together. “Quarrels are extremely rare; for sisters are always close, and there is a sense of equality in the family,” she mentions. Razia speaks admires her mother's strength and ability as she serves as the head of the house, “it was the same with her mother too.”
She is ecstatic at being able to explain how this system works: '”It gives women a sense of pride," she says. “Women attain a sense of confidence, simply because we remain with our parents. There is no 'adjusting to the other family'.”
Razia, though, is not sure the system will continue for long. “People move to greener pastures, especially if men are educated. Things are changing."But the core of the system, she feels, will continue for a long time. A pudiyapallai will always be a pudyapallai, held in great respect, and women will continue to have their position.
