My experiences with dating apps

Here I go again, diving into the maze of dating apps after reinstalling it for what feels like the hundredth time—full of enthusiasm and hope that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different.

So I swiped right on a tall, decent-looking, educated guy, hoping for a meaningful conversation to begin with. We decided on a nice, quiet coffee place amidst the hustle and bustle of Bangalore city. With the smell of freshly brewed coffee, I waited for him to arrive. And there he was, looking exactly like his pictures, phew, very decent, very demure. We ended up having a great time and then I popped “the question” - what are you looking for - to which, to my utter disappointment, he replied, “Umm…I would just like to go with the flow, don’t want to put the pressure of forever on something that can be fun and exciting“…. PRESSURE OF FOREVER! 

As a single independent woman in my mid-thirties navigating today’s dating scene, I find the shift from traditional partner selection to the myriad choices offered by dating apps both fascinating and perplexing. We’ve gone from relying on parents to choose for us to taking on the monumental task of sifting through countless profiles on dating apps, all the while adapting to changing human behaviours. In my twenties, dating was about discovery; now I see myself seeking something deeper. But when I stumble across people around my age who are not looking for something substantial and have made peace with brief moments of happiness, I often see myself standing in the midst of a whirlpool of thought-provoking questions about the journey, me, and the people: Is my idea of long lasting relationships skewed or those who are not chasing it have it all figured out? Should I embrace the moment and let go of the pressure of forever or just step away from the maze of tech influenced modern love and let it all go.

Today’s dating apps allow us to create and enjoy idealised relationships for brief periods, almost like the childhood  role-playing game “ghar ghar”. People share adventures, intimacy, and fleeting moments of happiness, filling their emotional baskets with memories without knowing how long they will last. Finding someone for the long haul feels increasingly rare, which is why maybe we label it as “luck.” But why is lasting love so hard to find? 

Is it because the notion of “forever” complicates happiness, leading us to seek out temporary experiences? Are we afraid of the messy realities that come with commitment? Have we become so inundated with negativity in other aspects of life that we expect relationships to be perfect, even if only fleetingly? Social media certainly plays a role in painting a perfect picture of love that is distorting our expectations.

Maybe this is just how generations evolve, with technology disrupting experiences, while we strive to find meaning and fulfilment in life. Many of us, knowingly or unknowingly, are letting go of the idea of “forever”. Will this come back to haunt us when we lack the energy to seek out new experiences? Is the concept of “forever” just a societal construct, presented to us as the ultimate source of happiness and success? Does happily ever after exist just in books and movies? Unfortunately, this idea has been ingrained so deeply in my head that I find myself continuously searching for it.

Nevertheless, however grappling this journey has been for me, it has indeed taught me to become everything I was once searching for, filling the gaps within myself to the point where the need for someone else is fading. From buying myself flowers and gifts on my birthday to taking care of myself on sick days and dancing to celebrate my achievements—I've learned that this girl can do it all. Yet, even so, my heart still holds out hope for someone who will chase away the lizards for me—until I gather the strength to do that too. 

Closing with so many unanswered questions but with a lighter head.

The author is a corporate professional who has worked for some of the biggest multinational corporations like Accenture and Deloitte. As a columnist, she writes on diverse topics around lifestyle and relationships.

(Disclaimer: The views expressed above are the author's own and do not reflect those of DNA).