Sexual harassment at workplace: Clueless men or thin-skinned women?

A sales manager at a leading FMCG company, Himanshu Sharma* is the regular sort — a middle-aged family man well-liked by most at the workplace. Two years ago, however, he had a rude awakening. A young female intern from a well-known management school joined his team. "That was the first time I had a woman reportee. Our company had become proactive about hiring women, especially in sales, which is traditionally dominated by men," says Sharma. Sunaina* joined and initially, says Sharma, he was happy with her work. "She was dedicated and conscientious... unlike the boys who were always going out for tea and cigarettes. During our meetings, she took on the task of ordering biscuits, and proffered a woman's perspective. That helped," he says.

In retrospect, says Sharma, the trouble began one day when he offered to drop her home. "We had been working on a presentation and it had gotten late. I didn't think it was safe for her to drive back alone. This happened a few times over the next six months. I didn't think anything about it given that I would regularly give rides to the boys in my team." Pushed to think over that time again, he says he can't think of any other aspect of his behaviour that seemed suggestive. "As colleagues, we work closely and interact in a friendly way. If everyone's in office, we have lunch or tea together. I did not consciously seek her out."

But the message going out was a very different one, and Sharma realised this only when a female colleague, a senior, came up to tell him that he was the subject of a lot of office gossip. "Sunaina apparently told the other interns that I deliberately kept her back in office, that she felt uncomfortable and that I was, kind of, coming on too strong. I was shocked. It was simply not true," says Sharma vehemently.

Thankfully, for him, Sunaina's six-month internship ended soon after, and she moved to a different department. "Situations like these are very hard for a man," says Sharma. "Everyone is quick to believe the woman and no matter what you do, the doubt remains. Also, once a complaint is made, a man's career is finished. I had to be very careful. In fact, I've become very wary after that incident. I've maintained my distance with the female interns who've joined — no one-on-one meetings. I always ensure someone else is present."

While Sharma's predicament is understandable, there is also the reality of sexual harassment at the workplace with regular reports of male bosses making a pass at, talking indecently and behaving in other objectionable manner towards their female colleagues. But the damage that such incidents cause in a workplace, and the fear they invoke, has somewhere made nebulous the camaraderie among colleagues of both genders. Are women at the workplace becoming so thin-skinned that casual banter and back-slapping now count as risqué behaviour?

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Speaking out

Nirmala Menon, founder-CEO of Interweave Consulting, a Bangalore-based HR practice that advises companies on gender diversity and inclusion, feels there is greater awareness of sexual harassment today, so women's sensibilities in this area have also sharpened. "Earlier, if a woman faced an uncomfortable situation, she usually dealt with it in on her own — she avoided the person, or going to the place where he was likely to be, and so on," says Menon. "Even if she felt uncomfortable, she did not bring it up as an issue. It's different now. A lot of women feel, and rightly so, that if she doesn't do something about what seems like a minor issue, then it could escalate and then she'd have bigger problems."

Attitudes, in this sphere, have come a long way from a few decades ago when the only jobs open to women were as secretaries, and women thought nothing of dressing up for the job. Remember Satyajit Ray's Mahanagar where the protagonist Arati is told by her boss that she must smarten up if she is to be successful as a salesgirl. A manager today would get into trouble for suggesting to women colleagues that they should dress 'better' or wear skirts to client meetings.

Or for something far more innocuous. Menon, for instance, tells of one company she worked at where everyone was having a good time, singing and dancing at the annual company offsite. The senior manager joined in the good cheer by singing. "I dedicate this song to my beautiful colleague," he said afterwards, looking at his female co-worker. He thought he was being nice to her, and was completely mystified on being told by the HR that the girl didn't like it at all, and had taken objection to his behaviour.

"A lot of men find it difficult to believe that women don't like compliments and attention. Says Swarnima, a Bangalore-based counsel with legal firm Trilegal, changing social mores makes it acceptable for colleagues, even bosses, to ask each other out on dates. "A woman may accept, and agree to be dropped home or go out for coffee. But she may draw a line at that, while the man may feel that she led him on." Intent, she points out, is not the point in complaints of sexual harassment, but how it is perceived.

Cultural differences

Sexual harassment, adds the lawyer who conducts workshops on sexual harassment with NASSCOM, an industry body for IT and BPO companies, is also a very cultural thing. "Workplaces today have a very diverse mix of people who come from different sociocultural and religious backgrounds. What is alright for one, may not be acceptable for another," says Swarnima, who only uses her first name. "For instance, in a metropolitan city, shaking hands with colleagues, be they men or women, is commonplace. But for someone who comes from a small town and has grown up with more conservative values, this might not be so easy to accept."

This was the case with Richa Kapur*, who took objection to her colleagues throwing the word 'sexy' around. Kapur grew up in Meerut and found it offensive that everyone in the media content company used expletives like 'f**k' and 's**t'. "Even in meetings, people would think nothing of uttering these words. I used to find it really disturbing. I increasingly got the feeling that once people realised that I didn't like it, they would do it all the more in my hearing, as if to provoke me. That began to get to me," says Kapur. She left the job just after a year.

The problem, says Menon, is that women are not used to aggressive ribbing. "Women usually don't do it among themselves. Men are used to a lot of unkind teasing since childhood. This is something for men to understand, that women don't hear as much criticism. This is also the reason they don't take feedback too well — they tend to cry and get emotional."

But she also doesn't buy Sharma's line that he did not understand that his female colleague found his behaviour objectionable. "Almost all of us realise when we are making someone else feel uncomfortable. You would have to be really thick-headed not to know. Men realise it but let it pass." Nirmalya Sinha, an executive with a large management consultancy in Gurgaon, agrees. "I think women can make out when a man is just being friendly or when he wants more. I am close to some of my female colleagues. We go out for drinks after work and exchange gossip. There has never been a problem."

In other words, friendship is possible - provided men know where to draw the line, and women are willing to let down their hair.

(*Names changed to protect identities)