I need to rediscover myself and my shooting: Heena Sidhu

Heena Sidhu is quite enjoying her time off from shooting. It's been a month now since the 29-year-old decided to hit the pause button. In that period, she went back home to spend time with her parents, is currently in Mumbai to catch up with her in-laws and plans to go to Pune to visit her friends. "I've just been socialising for a month," she says.

The self-imposed break by the former world No. 1 pistol shooter was necessitated not only due to a hectic season but, by her own admission, a dip in form and motivation levels.

After winning a gold in 25m pistol at the Commonwealth Games and bronze in 10m air pistol at the Asian Games last year, Heena has had a fruitless 2019 so far.

While she finished 25th in the ISSF World Cup in New Delhi in February, the same event in Munich a couple of months later saw her end 45th. And with one year to go for the 2020 Tokyo Games, she is yet to book an Olympic quota even as her junior, the ever-rising Manu Bhaker, booked one for India in Munich.

In this interview with DNA, Heena, who has been recommended for this year's Khel Ratna, talks on various aspects:

We see a lot of athletes in various sports taking a time out. In a sport like shooting which is more mental than physical, do you think it becomes more necessary to have these kinds of breaks?

Of course, it's really important to take breaks, not just in shooting but in any sport. Because after a while, your performance and efficiency starts dropping. In order to be better in anything, you need to have that hunger to go back to. And if you're already over-eating everyday, then you won't feel that hunger anymore. So, whenever you think that you're losing your hunger, that rawness or you feel like not wanting to go to the range, that's when you need to take a break. There's no point pushing yourself at that time.

When did you start feeling that way?

I have been feeling like that for a few months now, because our schedule has been very tight. I had been working hard, and I felt I needed to switch off now. I feel the other shooters should also take a break, and I'm sure they are too, because it's really difficult to keep going on like this.

But during such times, do you have days when you wake up and feel like picking up the pistol again, or do you completely wipe it out of your mind?

Well, I do feel like it sometimes, but then I have to remind myself that I'm feeling like this only today and it's a temporary thing. I have to really make use of this time so that I don't get tired later. It's very easy to take a break of 4-5 days, because it gives you that temporary relief and then you feel like going back. But it's important to realise that this is not just for the body but also for the mind. You need to forget shooting and then re-learn it.

So, is it like pressing the reset button?

Yes, it's sort of like that. And I've done this so many times in the past. It's just that this last one year was so hectic that taking a break was tough. Now that I've got the time, I'm going to make full use of it.

When do you plan to return to the big stage?

I think Asian Championships would be the aim.

Looking back, there was a dip in form and you said a bit of hunger went missing too. What do you think were the reasons for it? Is it just one of those phases that athletes go through over a long career?

I'd like to believe that. It's definitely been a lot of years for me, a lot of years of non-stop work. Even after 2016 Rio Olympics, I didn't take a break. Ideally that was the best time for it but I didn't. So, that's where I was a little wrong. I felt OK at that time and that's why I kept going on. But I should've paused a bit then.

Itne saal ho gaye hai (it has been so many years), and in order for me to come up and start delivering again, I need to rediscover myself, rediscover my shooting. That's where I am.

And do you feel you're on your way to achieving that?

Yes. This is how the path starts. I needed to get away from shooting in order to come back stronger.

Was it also a case of trying too hard to seal the Olympic quota for the 2020 Tokyo Games?

Definitely. Woh hota hi hai (it is bound to happen), it's psychological. On top of it, if you're tired, you're not prepared to handle that pressure. The pressure is not the problem, the problem is that you're not in your 'A' game to counter it. I have handled pressure for so many years, so it's not like I don't know. But when you're mentally exhausted, your body just doesn't have the reserves. It becomes easier to falter then.

You've seen shooting evolve in India over the last decade. Do you think the sport is at its peak in the country now, both in terms of talent and popularity? Is this the best phase?

Yes, I think so. If you look at the history of Indian shooting, this is the highest point where we've ever been at. It's still one year to the Olympics, so we have good time in our hands as well. If we keep going like this in the right direction, then I have no doubt that Indian shooters will perform exceedingly well at the Tokyo Olympics.

But with the increase in popularity also comes increase in expectations, right? Does that put more pressure on you now to do well at the big events than before?

Honestly, I'm not thinking about the Olympic quota right now. I'm just thinking about improving my shooting. If I do that, the Olympics will be a by-product of it. I want to constantly better myself, and that's one goal that always stays with me. And that's for all athletes in general, they're always trying to improve. Some days you can and some days you can't, but the mindset doesn't change.

A lot of really talented youngsters are coming through the ranks, and the junior Indian shooters have been shining in various global competitions lately. Does that motivate you more to put in the extra yard?

The competition has improved, undoubtedly. But honestly, it's not like it motivates me or it puts me down. I'm doing my own thing.

The number of matches have really gone up. So, that's one setback that we're facing. It's a difficult to survive in today's situation because of the number of matches and tournaments that have increased. You're competing literally every other month, and to be at your best so often is not sustainable. So, in order for someone to do well in this system, you have to plan well. You have to pick one or two competitions where you want to peak and just focus on that.

You can't keep running around like other people, going to every match and tournament. And juniors will thus do much better than the seniors because they have age on their side, and they're more energetic. The seniors need to stick with their strengths, which is experience and good planning. Juniors need more matches because they're just starting, so every match that they go to they'll learn something new. Whereas every match that you put a senior to, you take away a bit of his/her energy level.

So, you can't have seniors and juniors playing exactly the same number of matches. Obviously, the NRAI (National Rifle Association of India) will organise events, because that's their job.

But I think the seniors need to be smarter in choosing their competitions. You have to pick your battles wisely.

On a completely different subject, you're one of the very few Indian sportspersons who doesn't shy away from speaking your mind on social media: be it tweeting on social issues, politics, Game of Thrones or cricket matches. Does it come naturally to you or do you feel the need to be that way as a sporting icon in the country?

Not at all. It just comes naturally to me. As a child as well, I always had a sense of what's right and what's wrong. Twitter just gives us that platform to express ourselves. If it wasn't for Twitter, I would be sharing it with you when I talk to you. You would know that this is Heena's personality. On Twitter, it comes out in the open and more people can see it.

But yes, I do have a very strong sense of what's correct and what's not. And when more people say it, it makes a difference. Or, at least people get to know about where we're going as a society.

Heena’s medal cabinet

World Cup

Silver: 2009 Beijing; 10m air pistol
Gold: 2013 Munich; 10m air pistol
Silver: 2014 Fort Benning; 10m air pistol
Gold: 2017 New Delhi; 10m air pistol mixed team

Commonwealth Games

Gold: 2010 New Delhi; 10m air pistol pairs
Silver: 2010 New Delhi; 10m air pistol
Gold: 2018 Gold Coast; 25m pistol
Silver: 2018 Gold Coast; 10m air pistol

Asian Games

Silver: 2010 Guangzhou; 10m air pistol team
Bronze: 2014 Incheon; 25m pistol team
Bronze: 2018 Jakarta-Palembang; 10m air pistol