Paris Hilton & global warming

Spectator

My mother, who reads five newspapers a day and watches as many news channels, is very concerned about global warming. “We all have to stop using deodorants, separate our garbage, reuse our bags and cycle to work,” she said to me the other day, “so that poor Al Gore can stop making documentaries and go back to being a politician again.”
Yes, Mum, I said.

“And no one should use hair-conditioners. They burn a hole in the ozone layer. And that makes glaciers melt. Look at that poor Paris Hilton — sent to jail for wearing too much makeup.”

“Air-conditioners, Mum,” I said, “not hair conditioners. And Paris Hilton was not sent to jail in connection with global warming, though I admit the media makes her out to be a global catastrophe.”

“Whatever. Also, we should turn off the taps and lights when we are not using them. No spending hours in the shower. Haven’t I been saying that to you? I must have been a blue.”

Green, I said, not blue-green, Mum. “Yes yes, green is what I meant, just because you work in a newspaper, don’t think you know everything and need to correct your mother. Remember I am older than you, and you will always be a little child for me. Anyway, the thing we all have to do is to calculate our carbon footprint. Have you calculated your carbon footprint yet?”

Not yet Mum, but I have heard there is a site on the net devoted to it. I am planning to get on it, as soon as I have the time, I said. “That’s the whole point!” said my mum, “We don’t have much time! Only eight years left, before the tsunami wipes out Mumbai. Look at Oman and how only the Indians there have been affected by the cyclone. Indians are obviously more vulnerable to tsunamis and cyclones.”

Mum, I don’t think Indians are the only people affected by Cyclone Gonu, that’s just the way Indian news channels are reporting it. And to believe that a tsunami will wipe out Mumbai is taking a rather pessimistic view. But yes, you are right we are running out of time and should all sit up and make a commitment to make a change in some small way.

“See, even in this you are behind things! I have already been one step ahead of you, and decided how I am going to do my bit against global warming and save the planet,” said my mum. And what is that, I asked.

“From now on, I am going to stop getting my news from newspapers,” said my mother who reads five newspapers a day, “and switch off the TV”, said my mother, who watches many TV news channels, “and get all my news from the internet!”
s_malavika@dnaindia.net