Indian families speak of their unique Diwali customs

There are pockets in Himachal Pradesh that celebrate a 'dark' Diwali almost a month after the rest of the country is done celebrating the festival of lights. Legend has it that these regions received the news of Lord Ram's victory over Lanka king Ravana rather late. And so, even today, Buddhi Diwali is held on the first Amavasya (a moonless fortnight) after Deepavali. While the rest of India lights diyas and decorate their homes, there are those in Himachal who believe in slaughtering animals amid the beating of drums to mark the beginning of a prosperous year ahead. Breaking away from traditions that surround Diwali, each family may have their own unique practices that have now become a customary affair every year. And even though the customs may not be as intense as the people of the North, certain tailor-made rituals have charmingly become a part of their lives.

Kitchen break

The week of Diwali sees the making of faral like chakli, chivda and shankarpali in several Maharashtrian households. But the sense of longing for sweets and snacks begins to fade after relishing them day after day. "If you serve the same thing every morning, people will get bored and run away at the sight of those dabbas (boxes)," begins Sadhana Sharma, Principal at Maharana Pratap High School and Junior College in Jalgaon. "I work 365 days a year and get only a couple of days off during Diwali, which I would like to spend with my friends and family," laments the 55-year-old.

On the morning of Naraka Chaturdashi, the second day of the five-day-long festival, her family gets up before sunrise to bathe and perform puja. But only the homemakers will tell you that they have to get up earlier than everyone else for one more ritual – preparing a breakfast spread. However, after the passing away of her mother-in-law 12 years ago, Sharma admits to changing the breakfast tradition completely. "After puja, our family goes out together and visits different stalls and eat misal pav, rasa vada, poha, pyaj kachori or even khandvi and dhoklas." Thus reducing the kitchen toil!

At the Sharma residence, there is yet another tradition that involves lip-smacking desserts and a little race. "When our extended family comes home for lunch on Bhai Dooj (Bhaubeej), the male members have a dessert eating competition," says Sharma. The challenge is to stuff your face with sweets like rasgullas, gulab jamuns or nariyal (coconut) barfi after downing the fancy lunch spread. "Who will eat the most on a full stomach, that's what the fun is all about," she exclaims.

The whole soirée

Apart from the feast and gifting, there is so much more to the festival than meets the eye. "Diwali is one reason to bring everyone together," says 25-year-old Vidhi Mittal, whose maternal family (the Aggarwals) always met up at their grandfather's residence in Delhi. Her disciplinarian grandfather, Balwant Rai, took attendance of the family members before the Diwali celebrations commenced and the register dates back to the 1990s. "My grandfather would write the date and all our names in Urdu. But it was mainly a way for him to practice writing the language. He would first write my name in Hindi and then in Urdu. So we know how many members have increased in every year's celebration," Mittal quips. The Aggarwals also had a strict no phone policy so that even a bit of the merriment was not lost to the networking world.

Come Diwali eve, each family would head to the grandfather's home for Lakshmi puja after making rangolis and decorating their own homes. Soon after, a round of Tombola, also known as Housie and very similar to Bingo, commences. "We also have a matki (lottery) going and include members who have migrated out of India as well, because they are very much a part of our family," Mittal says. The lottery begins with the youngest in the family drawing a chit from the pot with cash prizes written that begin at Rs 50. For members that aren't present, a few get to pick for the second time on their behalf. Yet the most awaited is the chit with the words 'Happy Diwali' written on it, Mittal ploys, as it is worth Rs 1,000. "We all stay awake through Diwali's night, feasting on singharas (water chestnuts) and playing Tombola and other card games," says Mittal who adds, "Hum toh juwari hain (we are gamblers) because we can't live without playing cards!"

Borrowed from Western and North Indian card games like Rummy and Teen Patti, most Indians indulge in a little gambling with cards during Diwali. Tired of these done and dusted ways of spending the festival, Niharika Sekhri – owner of Pawfect Life, a dog petting centre, in Andheri – and her invitees engage in an evening of playing different types of games. Sekhri's Diwali party highlights are the board games that they break out in the middle of the evening with family, friends and international clientele. "We have been hosting Diwali parties for a long time now but started playing games only last year, which we will repeat again this year," says Sekhri, adding, "A lot of my international clients like to witness Indian traditions and that's how this turned into a game night." Two games popularly played are Taboo – a word guessing game, where the participants are forbidden to speak the list of 'taboo' words and yet the partners must guess the word on each card, and Heads up – another word guessing game, where the back of the phone is placed on the participant's forehead and their team members have to guess the words reflecting on the phone screen. They also play Pictionary, Cards Against Humanity and Pictureke. This year, a 'pre-Diwali' bash at the Sekhri's on November 2 was attended by 25 guests, who later exchanged gifts.

Diwali birthday

Far from those who like to celebrate Diwali with pomp and ceremony, Sakshi Kamat's family celebrates it a little differently. "My son Gaurang's birthday often falls during Diwali week. This year, we are fortunate that the festival is just one day before his birthday on November 6. So to celebrate his 11th birthday we will visit the Girija Welfare Association." Located in Kharghar, this orphanage is home to 30 children, who spend the day attending Gaurang's birthday plus Diwali party.

"We first started visiting the orphanage in 2016. Before that, I provided clothes and toys and I wouldn't get involved in other activities but I wanted to change that," says Kamat, who is employed with a share broking firm. "Now my brother's and sister's kids come along as well," says Kamat, adding, "I want my son to know that there are kids who don't have a family."

In February 2016, Kamat's mother passed away, and soon after she lost her father. Choking up Kamat says, "They both suffered from cancer. We were all very depressed; it's an unbearable pain to watch someone suffer through chemotherapy." With a renewed interest in giving back to society, the Kamats have now decided that the best way to celebrate Diwali is at the Girija foundation. "Since my mother's birthday also falls on November 4, we thought of combining all these festivities."

The bigger picture

After the glorious and often tiresome festival is over, the New Year has arrived but the twilight hasn't faded as yet. What must one do then? "We get done with Diwali customs and meeting of relatives pretty early, but we can't go to sleep straight away," says Meera Mehta, a homemaker from Bengaluru. "Our family moved here after spending a large part of our lives in Mumbai, so during Diwali we had fewer relatives and places to visit and we would end up going for a movie in the evening instead."

This tradition has resulted in the Mehta family watching any movie that was streaming in theaters on Diwali, regardless of its reviews. The privilege to pick out a movie would rotate between Meera, her husband and her two sons every year. "Whenever we are together as a family and have nothing more important to do on that day, we would end up going to the theatres."

However, ending the Diwali festivities watching motion pictures may not always be such a delight. "Sadly, most movies releasing during Diwali have been bad of late," says Mehta, who regrets sitting through movies like Saawariya, Happy New Year or Shivaay. However, there were also a few "watchable ones" like Om Shanti Om, Don and All the Best.

Over the past couple of years, with the Mehta sons moving to different cities and countries for work, the family hasn't followed this tradition. But Meera still fondly reminisces about the Diwalis gone by and the thought of watching movies together still brings a smile to her lips.