Speaking for women makes you a traitor

Mangina: A male feminist who is overly concerned with women’s issues to the point of complacency or contempt for those of his own gender.

As I woke up to a phone that wouldn’t stop beeping, little could prepare me for the flak I was about to receive over the subsequent days. To provide some context: following the Bengaluru molestation case, I wrote a rant on Facebook criticising the #NotAllMen movement that, unexpectedly enough, went viral and ended up being covered by news organisations and clickbait-y websites alike. The post itself wasn’t particularly groundbreaking — I merely raised the issue of consent (read: lack thereof), aided by a few of my choicest expletives, and implored men to recognise their privilege, stand up for women, and stop prevaricating by making it about themselves. While the post resonated with many, there were a few spits in the sea who took it upon themselves to vilify me for having spoken against my own gender.

And that, for starters, is my biggest issue with patriarchy. The predefined gender roles tend to pit men against women — it’s us vs them, always — and considering I had ‘betrayed’ my gender by standing up for the opposite sex, it was highly unlikely that I’d be spared. And thus, the name-calling ensued. “This guy deserves to go to jail, the Bengaluru molestation story was cooked up!” bellowed a conspiracy theory enthusiast. “What an ignoramus and irrational human you are!” bleated another gentleman who lacked insight but had surprisingly top-notch grammar. My personal favourite amidst the barrage of abuse, though, was this guy who swore at me and called me a ‘Femitard’ and a ‘Mangina’, the definition of which I had to Google and is available for your perusal.

The point is, patriarchy provides copious amounts of privilege and comfort to many in the society, and thus, anything that threatens its existence is met with a stubborn resistance that aims to obliterate you in its wake. I experienced that, first hand, because two weeks on, my inbox continues to be flooded with messages by scores of afflicted men who speak about inserting phallic objects in the multifarious orifices of my body using rather flowery language.

Having said that, complaining about the banes of patriarchy as a man to a woman is tantamount to grumbling about a sore back to a bloke who’s paralysed by dint of a broken spinal cord. We face discomforts as men, sure, but it’s incomparable to the tyrannies and iniquities that women have borne for aeons, and continue to do so all around us right to this day. So I’d like to use this space to reiterate what I said in my post — it’d be in the best interests of you, me, and everyone, really, to smack patriarchy right where it hurts — even if, occasionally, it involves showing a bit of contempt for those of your own gender.

If patriarchy is no party for you either, write to us at sexualitydna@gmail.com