How the power of one thought can transform your life

I need coffee and a newspaper to start my day. Take away the coffee and newspaper, and my day does not seem to be the same. I keep thinking, “I am grumpy because I did not get my coffee”. As a result, I get grumpier. 

I have no idea how this started. I cannot remember the exact day; I started drinking black coffee in the morning. I am pretty sure, that before I did, my life was going absolutely fine. My body did not need coffee or a newspaper to kick start my day. 

The need for coffee or the urge to eat in the time of stress, or for that matter lash out at an erring colleague, the belief formation is instant. 
Did I form the belief system that my body needs coffee? Or did the coffee, with its magical powers form my belief system? 

We are the sum total of our experiences, said a wise one. Think about smoking, drinking, muffins, chocolate, dressing up or drugs. The first time you started to even think of a smoke or the benefit of power dressing, the seed was planted. 

Our experiences become the filters through which we tend to view our everyday stimulus. We become auto-responders. 

We then start giving the situation, nice little labels. Our favourite is to lump them into genetics, upbringing, and familial influence. We could decide to take it out of our hand and put them into a basket called – fate, luck, and fortune. We then seek solutions in astrologers and tarot card readers. Interestingly, even astrologers and tarot card readers start their reading with an interesting request, which we will explore later. 

If we manage to negotiate our past “traps” we then place them in moulds and call them, culture, environment, beliefs, values, goals, strengths, weaknesses, characteristics, etc. 

In organisations, we behave in a certain way because we think this is what the culture demands from us. Therefore you might even dress in a particular way. You might be uncomfortable with wearing shorts or short skirts to work, but you might feel obliged to do so. “Everyone wears shorts”. That sets you into a pattern of behaviour and belief. 

Over time, we are bound to our beliefs, and therefore we tend to…

…Stick to them. The beliefs could find its origins right from religion, perceived norms, justification, personal narratives, language, political leaning, and everyone’s favourite - media. 

...Reject any opposing beliefs. At some level, we may tolerate a contradicting or what psychologists call contaminating a belief. A contaminating belief has the potential to lead us down the road of anxiety, fear, anger, and disgust. We protect ourselves from contamination. We like our beliefs to be “pure” because they belong to our identity. 

Now consider a situation. You are being called for a debate. The resolutions being debated are stated below. You could choose to affirm or oppose the resolution. 

- A 8X surge pricing by Uber is justified. 

- Approximately 30% (or higher) of politicians are corrupt. 

- Killing animals and eating meat is immoral.  

How easy was the choice? As you can see, some choices or beliefs came to us very naturally. 

For example politicians and corruption. I could ask you how many politicians you have met or investigated, for you to arrive at that conclusion. Or for that matter, killing animals and morality. For me, the answer was that it is not immoral. Largely led by the fact that I rather enjoy non-vegetarian cuisine, and would be unwilling to submit that I am acting in an immoral manner. Hence, I would reject the opposing belief. 

Did the 8X answer come to you naturally? I am a die-hard believer of market forces. I do find it hard to make myself believe that 8X is justified. The law of demand and supply does dictate that 8X is the market price. Paying Rs 800 for a trip that normally costs Rs 100 tends to shift my belief system. 

Here is a little twist. If I was an Uber driver, would I oppose the 8X? Absolutely not! Market forces. 

Lets make this a bit more interesting. 

Think about some beliefs, and I list them just as an example. Fill in the blanks the way you wish to and then ponder over the situation following the statement. 

- Reservations for a certain section of society in a medical school is________.
A loved one is undergoing a life-threatening surgery. You find out that the doctor qualified through the reservation quota. How comfortable would you be, to go ahead with the life saving surgery?

- I hate this actor _________. 
You find yourself sitting next to him/her on a long flight. How comfortable would you be? Would you prefer changing your seat?

- I hate this person at work ________. 
You find yourself sitting next to him/her on a long flight. How comfortable would you be? Was your answer different from the earlier answer? Why? 

Some beliefs took some doing, but I think in a few moments we did arrive at an answer. That is how beliefs work. Beliefs of analyzing a doctor’s credentials or your ability to withstand an unpleasant actor/colleague took some doing, but you arrived there rather quickly and maybe even differently. 

Beliefs are ultimately shaped, nurtured, and strengthened by our mind. Beliefs about what we see around the world, are what shape the world. Beliefs about the world, shape our world.

Two kinds of belief systems

One set of belief system nourishes you. They are additive beliefs. They help you move forward in your life goals. They add meaning and energy to your lives. 

Then there are belief systems that are reductive. They reduce the probability of success in the context of specific goals. They hold you back from possibility. 

A belief system could be: “I have no time for health”. “He does not come to work on time, because he is irresponsible”. “He never meets his target. He needs to go”. “He helps me achieve my target, I cannot afford to sack him”. “I don’t need health insurance”. “I don’t have any weaknesses”. They are reductive beliefs. They reduce the energy for you to pursue key goals. With these beliefs we become helpless and we give in to the situation. 

So what does it to take to change our belief system? Let’s try something small. 

For the next 20 minutes, let's become Sherlock Holmes or Nancy Drew if you wish. Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology developed the ABCDE to solve the helplessness puzzle. 

Activating event: Think back to the event for the next one week, think of something that really upset you. It would be great if you could write down your experience in great detail. If you are not comfortable with writing about it, you could take a little time out and live that experience again. Think about what happened. 

For me, three of my clients cancelled at the last minute. Therefore, I did not meet my April revenue target. 

Belief: What is the belief system? I have a fear that my venture might not be taking off. Maybe the clients are irresponsible. Is it me? Is it them? Should I continue with the venture? Everything comes in a whoosh.

Consequences of my beliefs: Here is the risk of running something called 'The Positivity Company'. Everyone thinks you are built with a positivity kevlar. Not true. I am like everyone else, who goes through the everyday stresses. But I digress. 

The consequences of my beliefs are that I am wondering….
Should I change my brand promise of flexible schedules.
Maybe it is not working. Maybe I am not good enough, that is why they cancelled out on me. 
Wait…it is me. I am to blame. 
Nothing seems to work with me. 

I am being reductive, clearly.

Here is the one statement to reverse the trend. 

It is a belief, and not the whole truth. 
The moment I think that, there is a glimmer. 

Dispute

Now Sherlock ascends from the subterranean complexity to the grounded elementary level. 

Not the whole truth…It is that one powerful thought.

Instead, I could choose to be additive. I am the one who they need in the toughest of times. That is an honour. It is for me to live up to their expectation and not the other way around. The consequence I want to create is that I want to believe that my clients are responsible people and that my business makes an impact in their life. 

Here is what I am now thinking. It is the month end. Two of my clients are CEOs and their businesses are struggling. It is the month end, and perhaps they are closing their books and rushing to meet their targets. My proposition is flexibility of schedules. They just encashed on my product promise.That is it. 

I had spoken about the tarot card readers earlier. Here is the request that they usually make. They would suggest a course correction. They state that it is completely up to us to make that change in our lives and they ask if we are willing to make the changes they might propose. You may or may not agree with their methods, but the philosophy of disputing your current belief system and making a change does hold some merit. 

So coming back, I wanted to test my hypothesis. I pulled out my phone and sent them a message asking them how was their month? Both responded that they are still closing their books. Well, there it is. That was the answer. Guess what, I have rebooked two of their slots for later this month. Both of them had fabulous months. We will celebrate when we meet next. I am already feeling a bit better. The third was unreachable. That is cool. For now.

Energised

My own beliefs were leading me down the path of rejection and failure. Instead now, I have evidence that two of my clients give me a little credit for their success. Gosh. That feels really good. 

The one powerful thought and emotion, that it is a belief and not the whole truth, changes my perspective and state of mind. 

It is about removing the label of right or wrong from our belief. Beliefs are not right or wrong, they are just a way of being. 

If we approach our downward spirals with a belief of personal power and personal responsibility, we possess the power to unleash curiosity and courage to move the exploration beyond the belief towards a larger truth. 

The child who saves the one solitary starfish, by tossing it back in the sea does come to mind. Once we take the responsibility for our state of mind, we begin to summon the courage to change the environment around us. One starfish at a time.

The author is the Founder of The Positivity Company, where he helps business leaders become more positive and productive.